I haven’t posted for almost a week… I haven’t forgotten you!

On rare occasion, my with drawl from my daily posts are not due to depression.  Instead, i go into this weird… i dont know, study period.  Usually a history research project or genealogy research that has been going on for the past 19 years.  Sometimes it is because i have become obsessed with a musician (Ellie Goulding for example right now) and have to see every posted live performance until i have tired and worn it out of my mind.  Sometimes it is due to socio-political issues going on in San Francisco… regardless to what it may be (today it was near-curent SF fires), i can not seem to get a focus on a specific point that i want to convey to the world.  These days, i feel it is better (although dont get me wrong!  I feel that guilt!  I should be posting every single day.) if i do not post drivel for a few days and instead see what this research dive leads to.  Sometimes it gives me immediate material for a relevant post.  Sometimes, it just sits in the back of my brain, waiting for the punctuation or punch line or whatever (i do not actually know… that is what the waiting is all about).

Lights (Ellie Goulding album)

Lights (Ellie Goulding album) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I used to post every day in the begining,  but not have huge investment in what i was posting.  If i came across it and i found it cool or pretty or neato that minute, i would post it.  This was about the first two months.  You would get a few writings from me but majority was neat stuff or kinda interesting things that had nothing to do with anything.

One thing i decided early on though was,   I did not want this blog to just be a product pushing site.  I decided shortly after starting it that i needed to figure out what this blog was all about.  What i wanted to tell the world.  Who i wanted telling the world what.  It was decided by me that i wanted the majority (2/3 -3/4) be fully original written content (written by me) about what ever i may happen to want to talk about.  The other portion would be neat things that i feel that is cool enough or unique or funny enough to be passed on and re-blogs.  This way, i am much more discriminating towards the things that i pass on and take more time to have a voice of my own.

So dear readers, First off, let me just say thank you.  I dont need an audience to voice my own thoughts (i do it all the time in my room or walking along, but people usually interpret it as crazy!) but it sure is more satisfying to know that what you are talking about others are listening to too and maybe even commenting on!  It makes it so cool to have strangers from all over the globe (Katiekins in Scotland, John the Aussie etc) getting in on a conversation that is happening strictly due to the fact that all of us have an interest on talking about this or that.

It sometimes boggles my mind to know that more people hear me that are scattered around the world and that i have never actually met, than probably my family and friends! (at least through the blog). (i keep telling them to read it, and they say ok, but i doubt they remember or know how AWESOME my blog is that they are missing!)  Or maybe they dont realize that this is “me to the world”.  100% me to the world.  No product placements (if i ever get popular enough to get adds at the side to actually pay me, i am taking it!) but i wont be pushing this or that.  I wont be saying what every designer of every new thing is.  I wont be posting (many!) of those stupid sayings that are cool but everywhere and dont need to be preaching to my readers about.  What it will be is curent and hopefully funny sometimes and hopefully real all the time.

I am approaching my 1 year anniversary blog in November and since i started this last year, i have developed a really awesome audience that i feel is more like a group than an audience with me as just one of the people in it.  You all give me so much feedback and time commenting on your thoughts.  I think that is just so fucking AWESOME!!  You all are my first followers and that is a really special thing to me.  You will always be the ones to say, “i have been following that blog before she had 100 followers!”.  And that is kinda cool.  It is kinda cool to have my first group… the originals!… as my fellow conversationalists.

I will do my anniversary blog on the anniversary, but i am just going to say now (and again probably in the anniversary blog!) that all of you have really made this year special for me.  This blog is the thing that i feel most proud of this year.  It has been so rewarding to me (thanks to you!) that i can see myself continuing on on this journey for a long time to come….

So… if you dont hear from me for a few days, i am not gone forever.  You have made that impossible for me to want to do!  Just know, the wait should be worth it.  At least i am not just adding bs filler to cover my ass!

🙂

Emelie and Arthur! 2012

(ps.. dont mind the mess along side of the bed! 🙂

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Sitting here holding my breath, enjoying the last moments of the old world.

Sometimes when i dont write, it is because i am not sure how to describe how i feel or maybe where i feel i (we) are right now.  It feels like we are in the middle of two peaks.  The lul if you will.  An in between time.  A pause in the old world right before the world changes.  And i feel that the world is about to really change.

I sit here almost mourning it.  As if it has already come and gone.  It hasen’t, but it will be soon.  This i know.  So i just sit here.  Enjoying, absorbing, living every second.  It is bitter sweet in a somewhat melancholy way.  It shouldn’t be.  But it is none the less.

This is a really hard thing to try and put into words and i dont know if i have been able to in any sort of cohesive way that anybody might be able to understand, but i just tried.  

If i have made no sense to you, chalk it up to another crazy ramblings post.  If you know what i mean, then, sit back and enjoy the time, now, before the world is to change!

Is it really just coincidence or are there really days when…?

I have always wondered this and i have also noticed it for most of my life.  It could be all the brain.  It could be randomness that it just happens to be a large number of them that day.  What you are probably asking yourself, on earth is she talking about?!?  I am talking about days being in theme so to say on some days.  …Let me explain….

Ever wake up and go outside and start going through your life in the world for that day and it seems like everywhere you go you happen to see almost all… say for instance… guys.  Even hot guys!.  Then another day you go out and all you see is elderly people. Another day you go out and all you see is young mothers and babies.  When i say “all you see”, i do not really mean every single person, but there are enough of them to clearly mark a theme and really a large enough number for it to be made aware of all afternoon.

I know this is such a silly thing to even be writing about, but it is something i have noticed for years.  You never know what you will get either.  They reveal themselves to you if it is their day!  I know that this could not be twitter fed flash mobbed because i have noticed it since before even the internet existed.

Since i live in San Francisco, i do not need a car and therefor do not have a car, but i have had a few and i had to commute for a year from the south bay to SF after an appt. fire left me on my dad’s doorstep and commuting to school 3 days a week….  When i drove, i noticed it too.  Sometimes in driver and car demographic, sometimes it was the mentality of the drivers, but just about every other day it seemed it was themed.

Tonight it was couples (without kids which is rare in my neighborhood.) and 1 man and his 1 dog-ers were sharing the night.  (unfortunately the dogs were so darn cute today, they out looked the men 😉 and the couples were very unaware of anyone surrounding them.  Almost to a blind, rude, bumping into you because they were too congealed to actually adjust form to allow them to move through space without taking out some poor chick who just happens to be there shopping alone.  *”how very dare she not see we are so in love that the world outside our eyes does not exist to us at all?  Afterall, everyone wants to be like us because we are so lucky we are so in love!” they thought to themselves*

Anyway, I was just wondering, am i the only one that sees that life goes through themes?  Have you ever noticed this?  I wonder if so, if it is a different demographic in a different part of town?   I never thought about it… what if it was the theme was the same all over and we just dont know it?  How random!  How bizarre.

This kind of thing leads me to know that we still know so very little about the things and knowledge or understandings that we have that are not really visible.  There is so much more to how this whole life and universe and love and communication and laws of nature than we even have one whole % of a clue about!  It is like blind leading the blind but the blind think that because they can actually hear, they know everything there is to know.

These are ramblings from my brain.  This is the type of thing i sit around thinking about all the time.  No wonder i am a little on the wacky side!

…And, the best part is that i do not even care if i am alone.  I am not afraid of sounding like a nut.  There are nuts out there who are probably stoked to finally be communicated with!

🙂

Have a happy Thursday!  (And look for the theme if it is a ‘theme day!’)

This was a gentrification invasion themed day.

My ramblings: My version of parallel universes!

Bluepearlgirl in deep thought....

They say that we live in a world of parallel universes.  I know that that means some complex super string type scientific theory, but i think it also pertains to all of us right now.

I see the world as a million parallel universes (ie: each and every one of our lives) that are concurrent and happening simultaneously through our own lives.  They are parallel because they are all accuring durring the same moment in the universe and on the same planet.  I think about how my life is so completely different from the neighbor downstairs and the neighbors across the street and the people on the block and the people in the city.  We are each our own little universe living at the same time on the same planet. We tend to cross more universes the closer you are to home or where you spend your time.

My universe is oh so different from a young girl living in Sudan or Pakistan, Yet, because we share the same planet at the same time, we once and a while are effected by someones universe or reality on the other side of the planet.  Wether it be man made like the Fukushima Nuclear Plant disaster or a natural disaster like volcano erupting mega-tons of ash and gas and debris high up into our atmosphere or atmospheric warming, we at any moment can be living with the same mandates.

I do think that it is usually the natural disasters that bring more of our universes together and sync’d up the most.  I believe that that may be why there is such an amazing, almost palatable energy that is more like a force, strong and powerful, in the feeling of connected-ness.  This is a pretty rare thing that there is something so big that happens that makes everyones lives have to focus on the same thing at the same time.

It also happened on 9/11.  We all witnessed a tragedy that stirred the same emotions initially.  It was a time that no one needed to talk because everyone was thinking the same thing… Holy S**t!  Oh No!!  Oh god!  I was also interested to notice after the silence ended, discussion started and kept on and on and on….

As of now, 2012, we have a wider ideas that are different about what exactly happened that beautiful September morning.  We are farther away from the event that set our universes in sync.  However we all do still have the memory of what we all saw, felt and experienced.  Not one person can say that they did not know what they were doing the first time they heard or saw what happened on 9/11.  It kinda trips me out that there is one day where probably 2/3 of the planet were paying attention to the exact same thing at the exact same time.  It was a day universes collided!

Two universes in sync.

Anyway, this is no scholarly write so please do not judge my strange ramblings too much.  They may or may not make any sense to anyone and it would not surprise me if they dont.  But this is the type of thought that my mind ponders all the time.  How we are all living such different lives, but we cross paths and are affected by the same things as many others around us.  So many tiny worlds doing their own living but all living together at the same time.  It is pretty awesome (as in awe not shaka bra!).

Anyway, i will possibly regret posting this thing tonight.  It is like my version of a drunk dial.  I may have the unfortunate realization after a good night’s rest that maybe i should have left that last rambling in draft form and think about it and at the very least, re-read it!  It may not even be cohesive!   But i am plowing ahead.  Submitting this to you straight and unedited.  (disclaimer: i will probably read it in the morning when i wake up and will have to do some re-editing so if it gets cleaner and more cohesive the next time you looked, i have tried to hide my mess:)

So many universes living in a parallel world!

But this one is for all of you… In Brean Brown’s endorsement of vulnerability ( you can see it here in one of  her lectures for TED..  https://bluepearlgirlsworld.wordpress.com/2012/04/01/listening-to-shame/)  Here is my first ever unedited share of one of the subjects my mind deeply thinks about on a regular basis.  I am hoping  that someone will tell me if they think that i have totally gone mental and need medical help! I wont be offended i promise!

So cheers little Universes!  May yours be peaceful in the heart and healthy in the mind tonight! 🙂

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Our city of universes!  A different one in virtually every window but all as much as a little sheet rock separating them from one another.  Weird!  Mind boggling too.Enhanced by Zemanta

I kinda feel like it is the calm before the storm…

Aside

I kinda feel like i am on that second before the wash turns to rinse and starts spinning me around till i lose my lunch and wind up with a major headache and minor nervous break-down.

Do you ever just stand there thinking that it totally sucks right now, but i know that in a few years, this is going to be what i so fondly remember?  The BS only adds humor at that point.

It is strange.  I know things are really hard for me, however, i feel like this is kinda like the last days of a golden tinged era.  One that i will look fondly back on because it is hard but still good.  I am mostly in control of my life.  I appreciate everything that is in it.  And i think things are gonna change big time for not just me but many of us.

I am so thankful to have been raised a slightly older generation than these poor kids today.  I can not imagine working hard as a kid in school and in life to have almost zilch for prospects unless you happened to be bankrolled prior.  I can not imagine being able to find a job, especially one that makes enough money to go to a state school even.  When i was young, College was available for all that wanted to go and worked hard.  Fin-aid + a part time job or two could have gotten you a degree.  Not these days & i just dont see anything in power giving a shit!?!  This sure lends itself to a bleak outlook on our future.

I hope this is not the case.  Instead, for me,  this is a little wake up to how the grass is as green as you believe it to be.   I hope this is not, but if this IS the dawn before the storm, i DO appreciate it as pathetic as I may be!   I may be pathetic, but at least i am free thinking, free living and loving all around me.  I hope i take a little of this with me always through whatever & wherever my life may lead.

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