How many parts of us lay dormant for maybe years to be one day awaken?

Is it just me or does this happen to other people too?  I have a feeling it does.  It happens like maybe one or two times a decade… where i will be living within a particular set of emotions.  They seem to be wide ranging and diverse, but… alas… they are just the ones that have been chosen by my brain to do the job of living.  It is the safe set.  Sometimes not a healthy set, but it is a functional set.

Continue reading

Advertisements

My big vacuum dilema. (Vacuum has got to be one of the worst spelled english words EVER!)

Shark pet perfect hand vacuum

So, i have a friend, and in all good faith, he was trying to help me out by giving me a hand and cleaning up a corner of my room (i had a cold and the trash can was a few feet away.. It seemed to create a tutu of missed trash around the dang can.  I am NOT ever trying out for the WNBA.  Dont worry.  But it was with my left hand in all fairness, but i digress….).  Mind you, this friend took it upon himself to chose to become useful.  I had not asked and in fact i was not even in the room at the time.

Anyway… bless his soul… he tried to do me a solid, however in the process, he managed to throw out the filter to my little (awesome) hand held shark vacuum.  To add insult to injury, he didnt fill me in and in fact, he may not have even known that it was in there, but i in turn, began vacuuming using it with NO filter.  Whatever was being sucked in was being shot right out the side at me.  I heard the motor make a couple not so friendly noises too while taking in the dirt.

Thus leaves me this dilema.  Do i try and find a new filter for the vacuum or do i buy a whole new vacuum?  It shouldn’t be a huge deal for the average person, but i live on a very fixed income being on disability so any $60 has to be well planned and necessary and will usually be sacrificing something else that is  needed.  So, i have to be very thoughtful when it comes to expenditures like this.

However, in the vacuum’s defense, it has been this little trooper that has kept my room the cleanest room in the house and it doesnt kill my back to vacuum.  In fact i have taken a sort of pleasure out of its cheap and easy return.  Kinda like paint… The biggest bang for the buck in construction!  So, to help me to keep the #1 position of awesomeness in the house by having a room people can actually walk barefoot in, i think that this is a qualified emergency necessity expenditure.

So, i found the filter.  The problem is is that i have to buy THREE!  Which makes it over half of the cost of a whole new vacuum.  In a year and a half, i have fastidiously taken a toothbrush (dont worry… i dedicated one to it specifically!) and after every emptying, i would brush the dust out so that it was actually still WHITE when it was disposed of!  In other words, i took good care of it and it had a long life left. …So, what on earth would i do with 3?  The filters i am sure would out last the vacuum!  And we cant forget that the motor has possibly been compromised by the lack of filter that should always be protecting it.  Not to mention that i broke the pet hair attachment months ago (dont ask me how!) so that is not in use either.

Well, after this long verbal brain thought, on paper, i think it is saying to just replace the whole dang thing.  And dont upgrade!  (that is often where i get into trouble.. i say i am just going to replace this and then there is that one that is just a little bit better for an additional $xx.)

So thank you all.  You have officially come along on one of Emelie’s problem solving thought processes.  It was boring as hell wasnt it?  lol!

But, if you have any thoughts of your own on my dilema, please comment!  I am still rolling it around in my head so one good point from someone could possibly tip the scales!

🙂

BTW… GO GIANTS!! TAKING GAME 2 TONITE!!

It has been kind of a strange week of clarity and epiphanies (or at least new theories!)

I think my brain is shifting into trying to understand some things in a new way.  It has been an interesting week for you if you were my brain.

I remember, when i was 26, i was really at a bad place in my life at that time.  I was suffering from SEVERE depression and such severe anxiety, that i had a hard time keeping food and water down and i could not leave the house.  I would sit for days just crying or stressing out so bad that that would make me start crying and getting really despondent.  At this time i had not had any psychological help and i had no idea what was going on or how serious it was.  I knew i was in a seriously bad place, but i did not know how or if i could get out of it.

The reasons i were in it, seemed obvious at first and they were big and easy ones to blame.  And they WERE to blame! But they were not the only thing i had to blame for me to getting to where i was at that point.  (Just so you know what i kinda mean, in a series of a couple years when i was 19, i went through quite a few unfamiliar situations.  Heavy situations.  At 19, i had lived a fairly strict and protected life as a child and had no experience in dealing with things as big as my best friends suicide, a roommate going crazy, evictions, death of grandma which put my dad into a bad depression that became at that time projected onto me.  etc.. Since then, it hasn’t stopped.  I have been through a bevy of unpleasant or unexpected and often life altering situations since then. I feel like I have been through it all (Not all!  Thank god! But unusually strangely large amount of nightmares since my 20’s.  I won’t bore you with more of my sorry ass tales
, but it has been quite an interesting last 2 decades with as many stories to match.)  I think it is to even out my great childhood..  It better be at least!)

Anyway, there was this week when i was 26 years old.  Nothing was better or had happened to trigger it, but i had this one week that i call my week of epiphanies.  I had this amazing brain thing happening where all of a sudden, something that i didn’t even know i was wondering was understood and that actually had a huge impact of relevance  to what i WAS actually thinking i needed to figure out.

It was like, i was so focused on the problems that i was trying to solve, i never even thought about why i had these problems in the first place.  The obvious i had thought was the culprit but strangely, it went way WAY deeper than that.

It happened again in 2008.  All of these questions that i had been mulling through my brain for years were like poof!  solved.  I got it.  I would have never thought of that  being the answer.   And that time, it  turned out that the answer was actually the question!  It was so crazy that week!

The only other thing i can compare it too is those damn 3d posters that i thought were a hoax to try and see how many people they could get to gullibly stare at a boring poster for 45 minutes, until… you see it!  WOAH!  Was that there that whole time?  How can i not have seen it?  It was right there and I SEE IT!!  Amazing!

That is kinda like what i am experiencing this week.  Maybe it is my grandma’s passing, my family reunion, my 38th birthday and my 20 year high school reunion, not to mention ending a relationship.  Maybe my brain is getting some perspective on things and am doing some brain sorting.   Anyway, when i do figure out  what it is that i am now in understanding of, i will try and let you know.  In the mean time, please excuse me if you see a few brain blabbing posts this week.  I know what i now understand, trying to express it in words, well, we will see….!

Epiphanies, bring it on!  I am ready for you! Even if it is not on a 12 year cycle!

🙂