i think i have never been so scared before in my whole life! (& i lived with a crackhead!)

A chocolate-chip cookie.

I was in the room with my dad.  He is very thin and frail and on oxygen.  He used to smoke but all but quit.  It is just not so much fun when you can not breathe anyway.  I had some peanut butter chocolate chip cookies i had forgotten for a hot sec. in the oven, so i went quickly into the kitchen passing Debbie in the living room.  Debbie is my dads roommate, best friend and caregiver, and she was heading into dads room which is like in a u shape from the kitchen.  I did not notice anything or hear the boom as far as i can recall, but maybe i did because i have this distinct idea of a very flat sounding boom.  I think it registered for a brief second in my conscience before falling deep into the folds.   Anyway, regardless i am totally oblivious of the trauma going on concurrently on the other side of the walls.

Flame the fire

Flame the fire (Photo credit: Darwin Bell)

Evidently when they tell you that oxygen is highly flammable, they were not kidding around.  I am merrily putting hot cookies on a plate and a couple glasses of milk poured and walk unknowingly into my dads room where he is sitting on the edge of the bed with the blanket melted, a huge hole in the bed and his face and his face and arm blackened with soot &n smoke filling the air.  The the blanket he was using caught fire and that fire made the oxygen he had on his face explode.  He has some burns on his nose and cheek as well as his arm and part of his mustache is gone too. He had a wet rag up to his face.  He was in shock.  Maybe even more than Debbie and I.  I am very thankful that i am not Debbie because she has the picture of my dad on fire in her visual memory now.  I dont think i would like to be haunted with that image!  The house is smokey and we had to move him over to the other side of the bed after we cleaned and covered his burns.  He doesnt want to go to the hospital and he seems to be alert and doing ok.  These pain pills really make him wander and  while on them and at the same time, he nods off.  That is why he fell last week.  it is really scary.  If Debbie was not right there right then, my dad could have died in a fire tonight.  That is i think the most scared i have ever been.

Oh, and before you ask me why he is not in the emergency room right now, I think that a Sunday night emergency room would not give my dad anything different than what we have done and it will be cold and scary and he has his nurse coming at 8 am tomorrow.  I dont think it is enough to kill him in 12 hours and if he is not doing well in the morning and/or if his nurse recommends it, we will go then.  I just want my dad to be as happy and comfortable for as long as possible and he is one of the most stubborn people i know.  I will pull rank if i need to, but i think it is ok to wait, let him get a good night sleep and see where we are tomorrow.  If at that time it is what i need to do, there is a first time for everything i suppose!

Fingers crossed!

fingers crossed

fingers crossed (Photo credit: cinnamon_girl)


I was posed the question why is your dad the best? This is my response. Happy Fathers day Dad!

My dad is the best. Period. He is so loved by my friends that he received a xmas card and they forgot me.

Dad has come to save me so many times.

From the time that i was illegally evicted and woke up to the sheriff changing the locks at 9am.

He was there (and he lived an hour away) by 10:30am. He helped me get a uhaul and a storage and then took me in for 7 months until i began school.

Several years later, on Halloween night i got a call from my roommate who was at home who said that there had been a fire.  I had left the house and all was well and within 2 hours i had no home.  I called my dad at midnight.  I woke him up but he asked me if I wanted to have him come right then and pick me up. In San Francisco… on Halloween!  The traffic alone!…!  I told him no but he was at my friends house that i stayed at by 11am the next day.  

He took me to my house where i couldnt get in, drove me down to his house and then drove back up to SF that night to try and find my cat.  He then took me in for a whole year… to the day exactly!  

These are just two of countless things that my dad has helped me or saved me so to speak.  He is my knight in shining armor.

He is my very best friend.  

He now lives in Las Vegas, but we talk about every week or two and he comes to visit 4-5 times a year even with his deteriorating health.  

He is not going to be with me for too much longer, but i know he knows and i know just how much i love him, how great of a dad he has been and that i have always been and will always be his little girl.  I love you dad!  

Happy Fathers day! 

I love you very much!!


Dang I think I forgot to take the bucket off of my head!

I’m sorry everyone my blog is on hold while I’m suffering from this horrendous Head cold. It came on a couple of days ago and it’s a giant whomping doozy! …so I may be out of commission for another few days so please stay tuned. Thank you!


My grandmother passed this morning. She was 90! And happy till the end!


Todays post is in honor and memory of my grandmother.  She was my mom’s mom and passed away this morning.  My heart is with her husband (in photo below with her and me).

My grandma was suffering alzheimer’s disease and was being well cared for in her progressive caring facility.  She was pretty fit.  Very happy and non-stressed was the mood she was last in before her passing makes me feel good.  I think that is probably the best way to go… Old. Not in pain. In your sleep. Before dementia steals everything making it a very scary place to have to be.

She has a good life and was absolutely adored by her family and friends.  She was just a really sweet lady.  I am very sorry to see her gone from my world.  I knew it would come but i didnt expect it to be this soon.   My thoughts are with her husband, whom i think of as practically my blood grandpa (my grandpa died when i was 8 and my grandma re-married a couple years later to her childhood friend and have been happily married since).  He loved my grandma so purely.  The kind of love that you just dont see these days anymore.  They were truly a perfect union.   They complimented each other so beautifully.  Now he will be surrounded by family and loved ones who will flood him with love.  It wont make up for the loss of his true love, but it will be ok.

Thank you grandma.  For if it werent for you, i would not be able to be here to mourn you now.  You were the anchor of the family and you did a great job keeping us all together and loving us all so much.    We love you too.

Rest peacefully Grandma!  Keep a look out for tiki and sasha!  My kitties are up there somewhere!  They will take good care of you!

I love you and i am sorry that you can no longer hear me say it to you on this planet.  But i do so i will say it just one more time….