I hate it when i feel this way. Nostalgic, lonely, antsy, despondent and yet at the same time hopeful. I think also a huge contributing part is bordom and the stagnent place my life and especially my social life is in.
Usually… in fact i would say about 90% of the time i am quite content. I am usually EXTREMELY independent. I like to do my own thing and in fact am a sort of loner (that does not count against my kitty though… we are a team! Except when people are around! lol). However, once in a while, i get so depressed about the friends that i have had and the friends that i have lost and the friends that i am surrounded by now. It all just gets a bit gloomy and overbearing on my poor little brain.
My problem is this though when it comes to meeting new people. I am not like them. I do not do the same things as them, i do not have the same responsibilities as them nor the same stresses as them. I have my own unique set of flaws that at this moment in time, are heavily discriminated against and at the very least looked way WAY down upon.
I do not need to hear the lectures from the masses or even the few. I do not want to put myself out there for people to shun as the outcast. It is hard to because, i feel so different than them. My path has not been like most other peoples. It involved some things that derailed me and took me off track for over a decade and the next has been trying to rebuild.
I am happy with who i am and i do not hate myself or think that i am a bad person for not following the norm of having kids and getting a corporate job. I am finding my own way and i am the one who has had to make the sacrifices to my life because of it. But they have been smart sacrifices and needed sacrifices. Just not much appreciated sacrifices, at least by the masses.
In this new generation that has come through, the ever present commonality that i have noticed is this ability to be completely disconnected to the concept that there are other eras that have lived very differently and it is not so easy for them. They seemed to have lost the empathy gene durring all those hours of xbox.
So, you may be asking what on earth could make her such an outcast that she can not seem to be able to find like minded people to match? I will not delve out to you all of my bad habits and secrets, but here are a couple so you know what groups i do not relate with…
- no kids…. so no other moms.
- no dog. Cats keep one inside and away from the other pet owners. (but i do still mooch off of the people with dogs out there!)
- I am not tech savvy. At all.
- I can not easily bike up these god awful hills in San Francisco. I can barely hike them!
- I am (here is a clincher!) a smoker (now you know why i the hills and bikes and me are not friends!). I know i know. If i had known then what i know now it would not be an issue.
- I have never been married. I have never owned a home.
- I had a trust account at one time, but now i am living on a fixed income.
- I suffer from both mental and physical weaknesses. They can really put me out of commission.
Anyway, you get the idea. I also live with 3 other guys who are total pigs and not the most normal of roommates. They seem to keep me feeling like the whole neighborhood cringes a little bit when they have to hear or think of us over here. I hate not being on good terms with neighbors!
So basically i have had a trainload of nightmare after nightmare taking up all of my good ole securing the future time.
I am also starting to lose close friends. These are the ones that we all think it is just too early for them to be gone. (5 friends and family members not counting 2 fish and a cat over the last 2 years).
So, although it is rare. Once in a while i have one of these melancholy nights where i am actually lonely. Lonely for a good friend. Someone who really gets me without me having to try. Someone who i can be rolling on the ground in stitches with. Someone who i can learn more from and i can learn more about me from. Someone from my own tribe….
…I guess that instead of reveling in my own misery and getting all weepy eyed, it looks like it is time to bribe kitty out from under the bed. He always makes good company and definitely entertaining. Oh thank heavens for fluffy pets!!
- Serve To Heal A Broken Heart (welcometoerinsworld.wordpress.com)
- How to Handle Loneliness (everydayhealth.com)
- You do not need external validation! (thehouseofvines.com)
- Do you ever get lonely? (kimmyg01.wordpress.com)
- Booty call ? (meandthat.wordpress.com)
- 5 Ways to Stop Being Lonely and Find Friends After College (michaelpinto.me)
- 1. Being a social outcast (iamdaniec.wordpress.com)