An open letter to my neighborhood…


Dear Neighbors,

I write you today to ask for your understanding. You see, I live in the house that you can’t stand.

You know the one.  The blithe on the block.

We dont look unusually bad in appearance (not particularly good either but it is on the corner and is 100 years old so, its design is generally not too offending plus, we are a dirty color of white so we dont really stand out except if you begin to look closely.  That cheap1960’s want-to-be wood grained paneling that is broken in places and entirely painted white… probably in the 60’s!, doesn’t exactly look regal i know).

No it is not our appearance that is so offending.  It is us.

What i want to appeal to each and every one of you to not entirely condemn each of us simply due to location association.

I moved here three years ago.  At that point it was made very clear to me, way back then that the neighbors HATED us.  And shortly i knew why.  I had moved into a place that was already thoroughly loathed.  I did not stand a chance.

I live with a couple that is the word disfunction.  They have built themselves into a routine of stupid screaming matches and asinine selfish power trips.

I want you all to know that it sucks just as much for me as it must for you.  I HATE living in such a disfunctional environment.  This is nothing how i am used to living.  It is horrible.

You say…”why dont you move?”

I say… Have you seen the market right now in San Francisco?  I have lasted here the last 20 years. And the rental market has got increasingly more overpriced as the years increased.  I know that although disfunctional, this is probably the last apartment I will ever be able to afford to live in, in San Francisco.  This is the last place here for me… so depressing to think about….

I have come to realization that I am one of those ‘long time residents’ that are getting forced out of this city.  Or at least i will be one of those eventually.

You also must know, that i do advocate for you.  If you ever hear me yelling, i would bet you 98 out of 100 times, i am arguing for you all.  I know how much of a nuisance we are and i feel for you.  I have had to learn how to fight since i started living here.  At least verbally.  I do fight for you.  I try just about any tactic that wont get me too injured or thrown in jail.  (if you have any suggestions… I am open).

You see, my problem is that the ones that cause the major issues with us being so much of a nightmare to live near, is the master tenant.  We can not get them out.  Trust me i have looked into it.  However, they did take me in when i was looking for a new place 3 years ago.

I know that when i am walking down the street, if you recognize me and know which house i live, you will probably start to get a slight hateful snarl to your  lip or a slight feeling of rage.. Please take a second to think about the fact that it just may be me and i may be just as miserable as you living near these twats.  Trust me…You have no idea!

But it is not enough for me to want to move and to chosingly givie up the city that my ancestors helped build, and i have grown up in. It is my only home.

I am a city historian, a tour guide, and generally getting to know myself through the footsteps of those that came before me.  I selfishly chose to stay here in SF for as long as i possibly can.  When i have to leave, a little piece will surely die and i can not chosingly give up the thing that makes me feel whole the most.  I am sorry.

I lose lots of sleep because of this.  As well as having to live with such selfish idiots (i seriously think that they may have some retardation issues.  Truly).

I am your go to person if you need to get something across to us.  I am here to communicate your woes and issues with us and will do my best to see it covered.  I can only do so much when it comes to people with some screws loose upstairs if you know what i mean though… I have tried.  Trust me….

I know we bring down your property value too!  I know!  I am sorry!!

Just generally.  I want you to know… that I know…. I really am sorry…. and that i hate it too.  I understand that you are going to judge us all by association, but it truly is not fair for me, because i make for a fantastic caring involved neighbor… and still try to be one despite the hurdles i have to mount.

Thanks for your patience and understanding and general super-coolness of being the best neighbors in the world.  I may know how bad of neighbors we are, but i also know how good of neighbors all of you are!  And i thank you from the bottom of my heart!  (especially you Mary!! xo!)

Anyway..  what can i say.  I think what you would like the most is if you heard nothing from us, so i will end with some well earned silence.  Thank you. You make SF what i love and will be hard pressed to try and one day replace.  You have left a lasting memory in my heart as one of the very best neighborhoods i have ever lived in.



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