This is a long thread that i had to copy from reddit to be able to share with you, however, it is such entertainment, i was pushed over the edge of my yes decision to post it. If your mind works anything like mine, then this will give you several SEVERAL good hard (possible hours) of laughs!! I hope you enjoy it as much as i did! Oh Atherton…….
(to be able to read this in a more cohesive format, go to reddit’s link here: http://www.reddit.com/r/firstworldproblems/comments/18gsc4/police_blotter_for_atherton_ca_where_the_median/ )
This is amazing. Those people have nothing else to do. They have no worries. No fears. Nothing! So they sit back and manufacture threats, such as the guy who was literally doing nothing beyond walking at an “odd” hour. But it does look like the writers are having some fun with these non-stories 🙂
I like to imagine every time these people meet a black person they get a huge adrenaline rush as their body goes into fight or flight mode, which culminates in a distressed police call full of stuttering, sniffles, and hyperventilation.
Sadly, you’re not too far from the truth. I knew a total of 2 kids who were half-black while I was growing up and never actually talked to a black adult until I was about 16. I grew up in an extremely wealthy white/asian/persian neighborhood near Atherton and the racism there is well hidden, but only because there were no black people in sight.
I’ve always wondered why rich neighborhoods have low crime and poor neighborhoods have high crime. If you were looking to break in to someones house and steal their stuff, would you want to do it to a poor person with nothing inside, or drive to the rich neighborhood and rob them instead?
Because the neighbours are always watching everything in those neighbourhoods. People who call the police just because “a car passed by their house twice” aren’t really the type of people you’re going to have an easy time robbing.
That’s the key right there. When I lived in NE DC (a very high crime area) the police showed up an hour or two after you called, if they showed up at all. I now live in a much nicer part of the city, and the last time someone got mugged they had 4 or 5 cars out combing the streets and alleys within minutes.
I have a buddy who lives in the nicest part of town. It’s a 20 minute drive from the next nearest part of town, which is also a nice part of town. It’s another 20 minutes to get to a bad part of town.
He locks the door inside of his garage, then shuts his garage door. If you leave the house without locking the inner door and he finds out, he will harass you about it. He is afraid of the black neighbors that moved into the half million dollar house across the street.
People who live in half million dollar houses where I grew up are the poor ones. And I didn’t even meet and introduce myself to a black adult until I was about 16. I grew up very close to Atherton, by the way.
A friend of mine lives in the nice part of town. Black couple moves in down the street. Neighbors flip their shit and talk about moving etc. My friend actually goes and introduces herself. The black couple? A doctor and a lawyer. The fucking Huxtables moved in and people are scared to death. Ironically, their combined educations far outstrip anyone else on the block by a mile.
My Grandpa in Atlanta, Il is like this. I swear everyone in that town is over 75 and white. Although, I have been told that they have a gang of 13 year olds who sit in the park and do homework. My step-grandwitch complains all the time about them and how dangerous they are. I’m like what are they gonna do? Shank you with their math tables?
They used to run a lot of these in the San Jose paper; recently not so often. Probably the best one I ever saw was where an elderly person called to report someone had come to her door and she suspected he might be a Democrat.
A few years ago I went to check out a room for rent in Woodside. Beautiful house! The catch was, the guy wanted me involved in these gay fisting parties that took place at the house every Sunday afternoon.
Actually that’s not entirely true. I grew up in an equally wealthy neighborhood very close by to Atherton and we had our fair share of crime, especially against seniors. It wasn’t too uncommon for 80 year olds to be mugged, robbed, or murdered in their home (about once or twice a year). My house was also robbed when I was about 5, although no violence. That being said, 90% of the police blotter was stupid shit like this and police pulling up to cars late at night to bust teenagers either having sex or smoking pot or both.
*Edit about 100 burglaries per year, 15 assaults, 10 robberies. Low crime, but I remember it was disproportionately against senior citizens. They do have SOMETHING to worry about.
I’ve spent a lot of time in Atherton the people who live there are typically not the “normal” silicon valley types. They’re typically also very old. I’m sure they’re good meaning. If they saw someone in black pants and a dress shirt walking around after midnight, I’m sure they were concerned he might be drunk or something.
I imagine them sitting there… Ok, last one for Oakland, let’s go with gang warfare, 7 killed. Ok. Now, what’s next. Atherton? Ok… man, I’ve got nothing. I know, we gotta put something. Ok, lets go with “trash cans blow over”.
That’s goddamn ridiculous. This is a far bigger first world problem than the OP. A Merc with fake leather is like buying a supercar with an automatic transmission, fucking blasphemy of the highest degree.
Cheap motherfuckers selling $80 thousand dollar cars with fake leather seats then telling you, “hey, it still feels the same!”
I wonder if Bimmer does the same thing on the new M3, I’ve been thinking of finally getting a car here in NYC but I had no idea car companies were building them with cheap materials like that recently. Wish I was kidding but this actually pisses me off. Luxury cars without leather, what thefuck.
My favorite part of these incidences is the utter lack of general constitution to go outside and say hi. Everyone is so egotistical that it is their problems are the only one that matter, yet they’re too trivial to deal with themselves.
This is pretty standard for California cops. I once had a cop shine his flashlight on a joint and a rolled up receipt on the floor of my car… he picked up the receipt and said “is this a joint?” and then unrolled it and said “oh. I bet that Snickers bar was delicious. Have a good night and if you do have any joints you shouldn’t leave them on the floor.”
I live right next to Atherton ( in Menlo Park), and literally nothing ever happens there. The cops are so bored they pulled over and questioned my friend and I while we were biking late at night (around 12:00). They said, and I quote, “You aren’t doing anything illegal but we have nothing else to do, so we pulled you over. We just wanted to make sure you guys were all right.” Then we joked about the people in Atherton and went home. Nicest cop encounter I’ve ever had.
I live up in the violent ghetto that is the Diablo Valley / 680 corridor. I once got pulled over in Alamo because my friend took a picture from the car and the camera flash upset the neighbors. The cops (yes, it took multiple vehicles to take us down) threatened to arrest us for disturbing the peace.
You would think that if you plunked down $10 million for a home, including millions to buy three adjoining properties, you could count on a little freedom to roam. But then the occasional mountain lion traipses across your land and, if you are Barbara Proulx [wife of Tom, a founder of the software company Intuit], you feel trapped, afraid to let your two young sons out by themselves because of the dangers lurking outside.
ATHERTON, Calif. — It was perhaps the most Californian of crimes. Behind the electronic gates and freshly clipped hedges of an exclusive cul-de-sac, the thieves worked in the dead of night, ignoring watches, laptops and other ho-hum booty to cart away the ultimate prize: 450 bottles of wine, including a rare $11,000 1959 magnum from the Château Pétrus in Bordeaux, France.
A few miles southeast, in Atherton, it was hard to find a rich person in sight. That’s because most residents live on large estates behind locked gates with security keypads out front. Not a single resident was walking around during a brief visit to America’s sixth richest town. […] About the only folks visible in Atherton were plumbers, electricians, contractors and landscapers.
They also visit the Atherton library:
The most affordable place in Atherton turned out to be the public library, even though the fine for overdue books is 20 cents a day, or twice the amount at the San Francisco Public Library. A library card in Atherton, however, is free. Maybe that’s why most people don’t have them, a clerk said. “The richest people don’t come to the library,” said Will White. “What they do is send their employees to a bookstore.”
I grew up in Newport Beach, Orange County, CA (VERY rich, white, conservative beach town). The type of shit my friends and I got into while shooting films as teenagers caused certain hilarity.
Incident 1: We were filming a gang shooting in an alley. Within our 10th take or so we were surrounded by police and sirens, guns drawn, yelling at us to put down our (fake) guns. When they realized what we were doing the officer responded “sorry, some lady called screaming that someone was being executed in the alley by her house”.
Incident 2: My friend is half black/half white. We were driving by John Wayne airport (yes it exists), I was driving, he was getting shots of planes taking off/landing for a film. Later that day my father got a call saying a middle eastern looking man was filming airplanes in a black truck (my dad’s car). My father explained the situation, all was fine in the end.
Incident 3: I was scouting a place to shoot a war scene after school down by the bay. I was alone with a black backpack, taking pictures of the area to show my friends. A helicopter, yes a HELICOPTER started circling me, demanding I go to the nearest street and sit on the curb, and that a patrol officer would be with me shortly. The officer pulled up, checked my bag full off air-soft guns, I explained what I was doing, he laughed and let me alone.
Once I was doing some cleaning for someone in a nice neighborhood. Practically the entire community showed up at the door because some people had seen a “suspicious looking man” enter the house. I was 16 at the time.
From the police blotter of a similar neighborhood just north of Atherton.
“A woman called 911 and reported that her adult son had vandalized the kitchen and was out of control. Officers responded and determined that the 30-year-old son was upset because his mother would not buy him a lawn tractor. He was arrested for vandalism, threatening police officers, and obstruction of justice.”
Resident of Atherton here. (We like to be called Atherton-Americans)
I can attest that the police blotter examples shown here are fairly typical. It’s not that all of our town (population approx. 7,000) are complete twats like those that report these “incidents” to police. The real “problem” is that with a lack of serious crime means the police have to take the ridiculous shit seriously so as to justify their necessity. The cops also love to harass teenagers for speeding (friends have gotten tickets for going 28 in a 25), loitering, etc. I was written a ticket for not wearing a bicycle helmet when I was 8 and have been afraid of police ever since.
Yes Atherton is ridiculously wealthy. When I was in high school our zip code was announced as the wealthiest in the nation. But in defense I’d just say that a lot of the town’s residents are “new money”, that is they earned their fortunes through smarts, hard work, and luck, as opposed to being born into it. Most of the families I know around here are thoughtful people who realize how fortunate they are to live where they do.
Anyway, this absolutely belongs in first world problems. The extra “attention” granted to kids by the Atherton police is a tiny price to pay for not having to fear any violence being visited on them at home or school. Just thought I’d provide a little inside information for anyone who cared.
Went to the public high school in Atherton. Most of the students who go there, myself included, aren’t actually from Atherton. One of my teachers would read us the Atherton police blotter before class because he thought it was so amusing.
I live in an neighborhood near Atherton that has an online email group that links everyone in the neighborhood. One night we set of two fireworks at 8 o’clock and everyone started emailing about the supposed gunshot because they had never heard what one sounded like before. K cool
The second time I went through these, I actually read the reports for the other neighborhoods listed and makes this even better (and by better, i mean worse really) People are getting shot, and some money-grubbing exec’s wife is calling the cops over a hawk eating its dinner?
my favorite is that if you look at any of the other cities, its “teen shot in the torso” or “residential burglary.” Kinda makes you wonder how long the good citizens of Eagleton er, Atherton rather, would last in a neighborhood just across the interstate.
Haha! I live in naples florida (also a very rich area (I’m poor tho)) & shit like this happens ALL the time. Its like they got nothing better 2 do with there time. Especially the condo commandos inside gated communitys.
My boss lives in Atherton, and I can totally imagine him coming work one day pissed because someone tipped over his recyclable cans and the police didn’t do anything about it. Meanwhile there are shootings a few miles away….
This is because only blue collar crimes get posted in the police blotter. If all of the people in that town/city who are charged with white collar crimes were posted in there it would have things in it every day.