Per example… I met this guy named… shall we call him Mister Wright. He was foreign and hot and sweet and funny and available and we hit it off when he was introduced to me at a party. He was getting ready to go back to his home country in a couple days. I had a huge 3 storie loft and my girl friend Tracy was staying with me at the time so it was safe enough to offer to have him save some money and stay at my place for the next 2 nights until he had to leave.
The first night we all were there, was Tracy’s birthday. I threw a little dinner party for her and then we went out to a neighborhood night spot for a couple hours. Things seemed to be fine still….
We saw my next door neighbor down there and I offered to give him a ride back and we all hung out for a while longer. Well, almost all of us. All but Mr. Wright who was pouting next door. I didnt feel bad. This was Tracy’s night after all.
The next day, he transformed into this gushing begging to be loved and to love me type guy. I had known him for less than 2 DAYS! AND, he actually said the words “let me just love you. I just want to love you”! He was actually crying. Real fucking tears!
RED FLAG ALERT! CODE RED! CODE RED!
I knew that he had to go. I had to get this guy out of there and quick. It is usually not one of my easier tasks (well, back then. I have gotten much more of a spine over the years and hopefully forceful tact!) to have to be the bad guy or the mean one and deal the bad news, but it was not an option at that point.
Bye bye Mr. Wright who turned out to be oh so Mr.Wrong for me.
But that led me to think about it over the years. Why did i not feel any empathy or sympathy? He clearly was hurting and i shut off like installing a concrete wall. I did not have the patience and understanding and to this day, his vulnerability that i witnessed still feels more pathetic than powerful.