I am not going to delve too deeply into my personal life onto print and unleashed to the world because of several reasons, but i do have to say that after an 11 month relationship that was doomed before it started, it feels good to feel like me again.
Not every relationship we get into in life ends up how we hoped it would be. The person never ends up being exactly who you had made them up in your mind to be. They become real people with good days and bad days, and ways to deal with stress that isn’t ideal. As well as traits that seem to grate you just so.
I had not been involved with anyone in quite some time prior (due to personal choice and chaos of life, there really wasn’t a place for it and i wasn’t exactly presentable while having a nervous breakdown and emotional turmoil.) and I had forgotten how spoiled I had gotten in being able to live my life just as I liked. I could live in my space however I chose. I could watch whatever I wanted and talked to whoever I wanted at any time with no guilt or implied guilt. I could keep the bed made for more than 20 hours. I was able to stretch out and have the temp. at whatever I wanted. And mostly, I could spend as much time giving my new kitty as much attention as I wanted and he needed.
The breakup was bad, but what was worse was the time leading up to the end. We both were miserable and there was clearly no hope or chance in repairing. We were a square peg and a round hole. I invested almost a year on something that clearly failed. It seems like too long at my age to spend on a doomed interaction, but i see people in clearly unhappy and disfunctional relationships that go on for years. I at least am not that masoginistic but it does feel good to be back in clean energy of myself.
I see it as there are tribes and you do not have to come from the same place, be the same age, or have the same interests even. When you meet someone from your tribe, you just know it because you just get one another. Usually this rests on a common sense of humor or passion for certain things in life. Usually after time, you find out that there are common traits in these people and yourself, but you dont need to know that to know when you meet one of “your” people.
Let me give you my piece of personal advice on choosing a relationship partner. Find one of your tribe. Hold on to them and treat them well. They should do the same. It is the only way to not have to sacrifice or change and question who you are as a person. It is the only way to know that you do not have to waste a lot of unnecessary time trying to get the person to take it as you are trying to mean it. There is nothing worse that fighting over thing after thing because the other side is taking it from a different angle than what you were trying to express.
Having someone just understand and accept who you are is such a rarity period. Especially the older you get. Also the older you get, usually the less people you meet. Your circle gets smaller. Your focus on importance of lots of things becomes much simpler as you go through life. I suppose you could say that we get worn down a little. Both physically and emotionally. You dont have the oomph to relive things that you did and learned from already. You see how important the people and pets and family that truly care for you are and how rare those relationships come. I bet you all that in 10 years time, you will not have the same people that you would expect right now would have in your life, and you will still have some that you never would have expected. Dont prejudge friendships and dont think that they automatically last forever. Nothing does. Everything is ephemeral. Period. Dont take things for granted. Find out who you are and dont lose yourself completely. Do nice things for others even if it is really to make yourself feel good… which comes to my last lil thought gem… always appreciate a two-for! (those are the win win… when it is bad bad it is a double whammy 🙂