I guess this is re-blog day for me… Boo! But regardless, i have never seen anything like this. San francisco is a bike thief haven. We are in an epidemic of bike thefts. This would really solve the problem! I am sure that it is probably not free or wont be for long, but if you spend $2700 on a bike and it is your transportation, i would consider to pay it to be safely held rather than on the street.


I once again apologize for doing a lazy re-blog, however, i have been watching this story unfold since the first night her mom contacted media and police saying that Sierra LaMar was missing. I instantly had a really creepy bad feeling about this missing girl. Unfortunately i think and have thought from the start that if she is not dead, she is being tortured and psychologically murdered by some really sick psychopath. Regardless, there is not going to be a happy ending to this story no matter what it is. She was so young and beautiful and this was less than about 25 minutes from where i grew up in the Santa Cruz mountains. I have been feeling for the family as well as Sierra every day. It should never happen to any parent or anybody! Wishes are with her family and friends. There are a lot of people praying for this group. They need it. ūüė¶

Oh my word… pun intended. No wonder Americans are looked at as ignorant!


I came across this article saying a list of words that can not be included in tests i for NY Public Schools. ¬†This i believe is the list that SHOULD be taught in schools. ¬†These topics cover every aspect of life. ¬†We dont want our children to learn how to survive in this world, just think it is a bubble and fear it. ¬†Really this is so ignorant that it leaves me a bit stunned for words….



Above is the link to the article, but here is part of the list of words that are being cut out.


There are banned words currently in school districts nationwide. Walcott said New York City’s list is longer because its student body is so diverse.

Here is the complete list of words that could be banned:

Abuse (physical, sexual, emotional, or psychological)

Alcohol (beer and liquor), tobacco, or drugs

Birthday celebrations (and birthdays)

Bodily functions

Cancer (and other diseases)

Catastrophes/disasters (tsunamis and hurricanes)


Children dealing with serious issues

Cigarettes (and other smoking paraphernalia)

Computers in the home (acceptable in a school or library setting)


Death and disease




Expensive gifts, vacations, and prizes

Gambling involving money



Homes with swimming pools


Junk food

In-depth discussions of sports that require prior knowledge

Loss of employment

Nuclear weapons

Occult topics (i.e. fortune-telling)





Rap Music


Religious holidays and festivals (including but not limited to Christmas, Yom Kippur, and Ramadan)

Rock-and-Roll music

Running away




Television and video games (excessive use)

Traumatic material (including material that may be particularly upsetting such as animal shelters)

Vermin (rats and roaches)


War and bloodshed

Weapons (guns, knives, etc.)

Witchcraft, sorcery, etc.

Untitled writing from 2007

Oh no

All alone.

No one to soften my hardend soul.

Knock knock

No one’s there.

No surprise.

No one cares.

Empathy is an extinct notion

I wish someone would put into motion.

Take me from me.

Wound my soul.

Break my heart.

Make me unable to be whole.

Take away my self esteem.

What is left?


Now i am wondering.

Wondering how.

Wondering why.

This mad mess all a lie.

You cant take me.

I wont let you.

My feelings are valued, so,


I was clearly bitter and had been deceived. ¬†That never feels good. ¬†Makes you question everything. ¬†Mostly makes you question your awareness of your own ignorance. ¬†That can be a scary thing. ¬†Nobody wants to be taken. ¬†So all of you… Just remember… Learn from my errors… You can only truly trust one’s actions. ¬†If their words do not match, it is a lot easier to try and believe the words, but they are the first to deceive. ¬†In this day and age, people are usually too lazy to back their lies up with actions, so watch the actions. ¬†They will tell you if the words are real. ¬†If they are, they line up. ¬†If not, as much this may mean the fairy tale is over, they are most likely NOT telling the truth. ¬†Unfortunately.

Note. ¬†I am somewhat jaded now, in my older age of 37, but i am am not as bitter as this writing feels… Thank goodness! ūüôā

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I just realized that i do not think that i have shown one of my paintings to you.

I am a fine artist.  This blog has taken a new lead for the moment but when i think of myself, i think of myself as an artist.  I have studied in a lot of mediums.  Some of them being ceramics, ceramic sculpture, sculpture, color, drawing, painting, print making, mixed media and paper arts etc.

If i am going to be exposing who i am to you… the world, i think it is time for me to share some of my fine art works with you. ¬†It is what i identify with the most so to know it, helps you know me.

I will also give you a little bit of background on what influences my art.  I was a makeup artist for over a decade.  I used to be OBSESSED with beauty.  I didnt and still dont understand it.  It is a real love hate thing, but i loved using makeup as the paint and the face as the canvas.  Kevin Aucoin HUGELY influenced these early years.  His untimely death changed me a little bit.  I lost my idol.  He was the one that took it out of magazines and into fine art.  (check out The art of Makeup, Making Faces or Face Forward).  I also had some really bad tastes in my mouth regarding the dodgy-ness of the beauty industry in SF at the time.   I got tired of busting my balls to get screwed out of $ and prints. I am a 1992 high fashion addict that watched corporate buy up all the great cosmetic brands and turn the industry into a cattle heard.  I was pretty heartbroken.  I wont go into all the reasons i moved out of makeup and into fine arts, but the influences that drove my makeup art, i believe, still transfers into the new mediums.  So much to the point that i have done 2 paintings using cosmetics as their mediums.

But when it comes down to it, i am really just a big color pusher. ¬†I am not great at drawing at all. ¬†fine line work is really tough for me. However with practice, I have found that it does get better. ¬†Color pushing never needs practice. ūüôā ¬†It is like going into a candy store. ¬†It is NEVER a bad thing. ¬†There is nothing wrong that you can buy in a candy store. ¬†Candy is great. ¬†Color is just as great.

So, beauty, color, early 90’s high fashion and emotion as well as texture texture can usually be seen in some form in most of my pieces. ¬†However i do try and do pieces that are outside of my comfort zone here and there. Not successfully always, but it is still an important exercise to do i think.

Anyway, here is a few of my pieces.  I hope you like them!


Oil on canvas.

Watercolor and nail laquer on paper

Resin and copper mounted on Redwood.

Hydrocal mounted on redwood.

You can see more of my stuff if you want by following the links below…



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I will let you down…




I will let you down.

I wont be around.

I will watch your empire fall.

See you knocked out back against the wall.


Dont invest in me.

I am nothing cant you see?

I am a pile on the ground.

Damaged goods just sitting around.


Take yourself away.  

Far far away.

As far as you can stay.

Just now go.  Go away.


I am nothing for you in your world.

Just trust me…

I am not the girl.



Written before a major breakup.  Found in journal. 

I walk away….

Things are big, messy and out of control.

Begging me to come in to be a part.  More to the chaos.

A part of the problem.

A part of my downfall.

A part of the anger I do not want to feed.


I walk away.


I chose to walk away with pride and strengh.

This is not a shameful stance that i chose to take.

It takes courage. 

It takes control 

And it takes strength.

Mental strength is tougher to achieve than physical strength, 

Which is why i am so proud to feel strong,

When i just walk away.


I wont let another control my future and my freedoms.

My control is my strength 

And my mind is my weapon.


Written By,

Emelie Koshland



School of Fail: Finland: You’re Doing it Right

WOW. Wow. If only people, All the people in the US would take a breath and let go of their disfunctional yet steadfastly held broken OLD ideas and ideals, We could be an amazingly complex and intelligent society. It would be an amazing day if we got progressive and let go what is familiar and broken and corrupt!

I kinda feel like it is the calm before the storm…


I kinda feel like i am on that second before the wash turns to rinse and starts spinning me around till i lose my lunch and wind up with a major headache and minor nervous break-down.

Do you ever just stand there thinking that it totally sucks right now, but i know that in a few years, this is going to be what i so fondly remember?  The BS only adds humor at that point.

It is strange.  I know things are really hard for me, however, i feel like this is kinda like the last days of a golden tinged era.  One that i will look fondly back on because it is hard but still good.  I am mostly in control of my life.  I appreciate everything that is in it.  And i think things are gonna change big time for not just me but many of us.

I am so thankful to have been raised a slightly older generation than these poor kids today.  I can not imagine working hard as a kid in school and in life to have almost zilch for prospects unless you happened to be bankrolled prior.  I can not imagine being able to find a job, especially one that makes enough money to go to a state school even.  When i was young, College was available for all that wanted to go and worked hard.  Fin-aid + a part time job or two could have gotten you a degree.  Not these days & i just dont see anything in power giving a shit!?!  This sure lends itself to a bleak outlook on our future.

I hope this is not the case.  Instead, for me,  this is a little wake up to how the grass is as green as you believe it to be.   I hope this is not, but if this IS the dawn before the storm, i DO appreciate it as pathetic as I may be!   I may be pathetic, but at least i am free thinking, free living and loving all around me.  I hope i take a little of this with me always through whatever & wherever my life may lead.

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Our Sheriff has been witch hunted by the conservatives that took over SF city govt.

This is my plea to our dear citizens of San Francisco.  Please take a closer look at this case for outing Ross Mirkirimi our newly elected sheriff.  This was not a shock to me that they would try something like this.

After the election i was talking with some friends about the outcome of our new city government officials. ¬†I found it VERY peculiar that almost every post EXCEPT our sheriff’s election went to the most conservative candidate. ¬†San Francisco has not nor has ever been conservative. ¬†Unless there are seriously not any true local residents that go back farther than 6 or 8 years and everyone that used to live in SF has left…. ¬†I know it has become much more gentrified in San Francisco within the last 18 years, but to remove the deep seeded neighborhood activism and liberal stances i dont think would happen. ¬†At least not this fast.

What makes this city so awesome is the residents abilities to think for themselves.  Not to be sheep.  Not to believe everything you hear even twice!  I hear the chatter in the streets but none of it on the news.  Everyone, EVERYONE I have talked to about this case has said it is extremely strange.  How is it that the wife doesnt want to press charges, or even testify yet, the case revolves around her.  Have you EVER heard of a district attorney filing a restraining order for ANYONE other than themselves??  NEVER!  I did not even know it could be done personally.

The far left that is doing a good job of taking over our fair city, has taken what i would regard as yes, Mr. Sheriff, a personal matter, and made it a huge ordeal just to slander Mr. Mirkarimi’s reputation in order to get him out of the only office that has still some power outside city hall.

I do not condone what happened. ¬†He did behave badly, but THIS… THIS WHAT THEY HAVE DONE is more abusive to anyone’s civil rights and personal rights than him brusing his wife on the arm. ¬†He did not hit her, he did not slap her, he did not lock her in their home, he didnt take away her communication devices. ¬†He grabbed her too hard while in an argument. ¬†This is not right, but it not anywhere close to bad enough to have to go to jail for or even worse… resign.

Hold on tight for all of us on the right Mr. Mirkarimi!! ¬† You represented me for years in 94117, please dont let them take the best city government official we’ve got taken away! ¬†Dont let them prop 8 you!! ¬†We all support you!



sutroeve (Photo credit: bluepearlgirl)

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My grandmother passed this morning. She was 90! And happy till the end!


Todays post is in honor and memory of my grandmother. ¬†She was my mom’s mom and passed away this morning. ¬†My heart is with her husband (in photo below with her and me).

My grandma was suffering alzheimer’s disease and was being well cared for in her progressive caring facility. ¬†She was pretty fit. ¬†Very happy and non-stressed was the mood she was last in before her passing makes me feel good. ¬†I think that is probably the best way to go… Old. Not in pain. In your sleep. Before dementia steals everything making it a very scary place to have to be.

She has a good life and was absolutely adored by her family and friends.  She was just a really sweet lady.  I am very sorry to see her gone from my world.  I knew it would come but i didnt expect it to be this soon.   My thoughts are with her husband, whom i think of as practically my blood grandpa (my grandpa died when i was 8 and my grandma re-married a couple years later to her childhood friend and have been happily married since).  He loved my grandma so purely.  The kind of love that you just dont see these days anymore.  They were truly a perfect union.   They complimented each other so beautifully.  Now he will be surrounded by family and loved ones who will flood him with love.  It wont make up for the loss of his true love, but it will be ok.

Thank you grandma.  For if it werent for you, i would not be able to be here to mourn you now.  You were the anchor of the family and you did a great job keeping us all together and loving us all so much.    We love you too.

Rest peacefully Grandma!  Keep a look out for tiki and sasha!  My kitties are up there somewhere!  They will take good care of you!

I love you and i am sorry that you can no longer hear me say it to you on this planet. ¬†But i do so i will say it just one more time….



Subnote regarding earlier post on synethesia.

I am sitting here watching My Extreem Affliction on tv and the guy who was able to learn Icelandic in less than a week is being featured.  This guy is a super genius in a more functional than rain man kind of way.  However watching tonight, i learned that although being able to recite a 22,000 long number, he can not drive a car.

I posted a blog on synesthesia earlier that you can see here…¬†https://bluepearlgirlsworld.wordpress.com/2012/03/02/the-world-of-synesthesia-quite-an-amazing-phenomenon/

The human mind is so fascinating! Yet, no matter what, we just are not evolved enough to be able to be highly functionable in all areas of thought and behavior.


(above: the real rain man Kim Peek)


We all have strengths and weaknesses.  Some are more marketable than others and sometimes more socially acceptable or popular / in fashion.  That doesnt mean that anyone out there has nothing to offer this world.

Find your strengths people. ¬†Find areas that they are utilized in or would be a strength. ¬†That way, you can be yourself doing something that you are good at and comes naturally. ¬†It sure makes life more enjoyable throughout the process and you never have to apologize for being who you are and what you can do. ¬†Remember… not everyone can do that quite so easily! ¬†That is your gift. ¬†Use it to help YOU!

Response to posting asking advice about liars… the conversation continues!

I came across this blog asking about liars. ¬†Here is what it said… (you can see her blog here… http://jasabrenica.wordpress.com/2012/03/16/a-question-from-the-curious/¬†)


A Question from the Curious

Posted on March 16, 2012 

Actions speak louder than words. I believe in that saying, but like every other saying, it’s not applicable on every circumstance. My months have been filled with days where words just seemingly contradict one’s actions. She says this, and does otherwise. He promises, only to be defeated by temptation.

Just out of curiosity, and probably the constant tug of my almost-severed heartstrings, I have begun to question the possibility of someone subconsciously neglecting you and it being the subconscious, means that he is unaware that he/she is doing it so.

What do you think?

All this time my soul has marks of sorrow, rooted from forgotten dates and poor quality time. Maybe it‚Äôs me being overly dramatic, but I do believe that 3 months of continuous depressed notions might mean something. I really believe that people should have a little bit of quality time each day, despite the stress work brings. One cannot make up for lost time. It‚Äôs called ‚Äúlost‚ÄĚ for a reason. I don‚Äôt believe in quality time after the stressful weeks and months, because what if that keeps on happening? Then I‚Äôll be subject to waiting for the end of each term. That‚Äôs the only time I‚Äôll be able to feel special, that someone is making an effort to see me and spend time with me? Really?

‚ÄúMaking up for it‚ÄĚ used to work.

It just get hard to believe you‚Äôve heard the same lines before.”

Here is my response…

This is what i have discovered after a LOT of loss and broken trust etc with people. It is one of the main things I personally remind myself because it has ALWAYS proven to be true. DO NOT TRUST WORDS!! Actions are the only true gauge in which to determine the truth. I personally have an x-boyfriend who is a clinical compulsive liar and he is probably one of the best. After time and knowing his routines and a little fact checking, i would find out it was all a lie… (Infact, i just wrote a post about this very topic.. here is a link if you want to check it out… https://bluepearlgirlsworld.wordpress.com/2012/03/15/liars-and-the-victims-of-liars-share-your-story-i-did-here-is-one-of-mine/)

People can spend years practicing their words and delivery and tone of voice. However, certain things are just nature. People seem to do what they want yet explain that they were doing just what they know the other person wants to hear. Sometimes it as long as one hears a lie that is logical enough to kinda plug up the big gaps, we believe it because we want to believe it. Nobody wants to find out they are being lied to and possibly used and for sure being hurt. It makes you feel like a fool to find out that you have been duped too. That is sometimes another reason that you dont want to believe that no matter how much sincerity one has in their conviction of explanation, in the back of your mind, you know that something stinks. It may mean life is going to not go the way you were led to invision and that it is going to be really hard and completely scary to follow your instinct. I have also found that people treat you as good as you allow them to. If you stay with your convictions and look out and protect your heart and yourself, you will increase the chances of finding people that are willing to treat you in a dignified manner (note though, you need to do the same as well back. You give what you get.).

When it comes to love, i have found that not always but often (especially younger) guys will try and get as much from life as they can get. They dont always think of or care that their actions are going to hurt us. They will lie because they dont want to get nagged at, yelled at or lose their “in” with being able to still have it with you. In other words, as long as they think they can get away with it because they dont want the hassles, they want their cake and to eat it too. It is gluttony and hedonistic and selfish as well.

However, you have to remember (and this is the trick!) not all of them are this way. Your goal it to find one of the good ones that have a strong female role model and a good relationship with their mother figure, no history of abuse or cheating and lying etc. The younger you are, the less it matters about choosing a person who is an equal and respects you because you both are still finding out who that person is. When you are older, you choose not to waste time on doomed interactions. You start seeing quality of character and it is refreshing and sexy because you have seen so many greedy selfish liars that finding one that has more substance.

I have already written a little novella here so i will just reiterate that i think you know the answer or you wouldnt have asked the question. Unfortunately i think your answer is not the one you were hoping for. Sometimes that is how it falls. The question you have to ask is do you care if it were true and he was lying to you? Would you plan on staying with them anyway?  In the future think twice about asking questions that you may not want to hear the answer for. I dont think you are one of these women that wants to be led through the world blind.. I think you are smart and strong and do not need to be with or friends with or waist any more time with people that are using you or toxic to you. You deserve better than that.

It is a lot less exhausting to speak a lie than to live the lie!  Remember that.  Most people dont take the time and energy to back it up by living it so they tend to make up for it by talking you into believing their lie.


Good luck and thank you for allowing me to get lost in writing for a few minutes.  I reposted your blog and added a link. i hope you dont mind!:)

Depression vs. Anxiety. Passive vs. Active… just some thoughts.

  Where can we hide from our own heads? 

This is one way to handle stress! Hide in the bathtub!!

This is one way to handle stress! Hide in the bathtub!!

As someone who suffers from depression and anxiety, i have noticed how true the statement is when they say everything that you deal with mentally has a physical counterpart.  I would notice especially with anxiety, that if i had to deal with a 0-60 crisis situation after it was over, i would be absolutely exhausted.  I mean seriously!  Totally worn out.  I would usually have to take a nap after because I was physically beat as well as psychologically.

I noticed that i think the same is true the other way.  When i am doing something really physical, it is hard for me to put 100% concentration into anything else specifically.   It is all or nothing.

I have also found that when both collide and you have to be pushed to your physical limit and mental limit at the same time, meaning that while you are physically busting ass, you are also multitasking multiple highly stressful things in your head and trying to keep it all straight, (especially if you add very limited sleep to the equation) you are pushed to your limits.  It is amazing because it shows us just what we can do but if you go full speed, overtime, with afterburners, something will eventually have to give (usually being your health).  Just think of those days when you were shuffling 3 jobs AND full semesters in college or working and having a new born baby while keeping the house clean and fixing dinner all by yourself.

It pushes us to the limits.  It  is probably better actually to have a good workout in both physical and mental fronts regularly.  I guess i could just say, that THIS is where I personally have trouble multi-tasking.  The depression does not help at all (making everything that much more dire which adds stress to the already stressed situation), but i find that for me personally, my anxiety is an action reaction, depression gives me sedative results.  It is difficult to feel both insomniac and super tired simultaneously.  I can however cook dinner, read a book listen to music, do dishes and talk on the phone at the same time though.  Just as long as i am not finding out that, say, my identity has been stolen and my bank account frozen!

*afterthought note* I think that when we have something on like tv or radio (or people talking/ screaming) all the time, we can mentally wither.  We need several minutes of silence for our brains kinda like we need a few bites of food and a some rest for our bodies.  If you stay at home watching tv all day AND feel exhausted, try turning off the tv and opening a book if you are bored.  Your few minutes of quiet air may invigorate you almost as much as getting up and moving around.  Imagine how good you would feel if you did both!!

LIars and the victims of liars, share your story! I did… here is one of mine.

As i was stumbling through CL’s wanted adds, i came across this add asking for liars or people who have been lied to to tell them your most memorable one. ¬†Here is one of mine. ¬†Maybe you would be willing to share one of yours. ¬†We all have them!
I have been lied to oh so many times.  One of the biggest was done by an x-boyfriend of mine.  I had just had to move and was in the process of looking for a new place.  I was staying at a friends.  He had been staying with me but could not also stay with my friend.  
A couple weeks into my home search, my then boyfriend came over showing me and telling me all of his new tales of being hired as a bike messenger.  This was not too much of a stretch because he is an avid fixie-no breaks- all over town- rider.  This time however he had the bag and the walkie talkie and the whole bit.  
After talking together, we decided maybe we should officially move in together instead of me carrying him on my back like i had done for the last two years.  We looked at cute little one bedrooms, in-laws, garden apartments and studios.  We saw i think a total of maybe 6.  
On our visit to our 7th, he was supposed to meet me at the unit after work. ¬†I got there and waited, and waited, and waited. ¬†After about 45 minutes, i decided to do some calling. ¬†He had been talking about his new job so much, i knew the name and quickly found their phone number on my smart phone. ¬†I placed the call and… yep, you guessed it! ¬†He never worked there. ¬†He did not have any job. ¬†He just disappeared for 6-8 hours a day and then we would get together and have dinner. ¬†
Needless to say, we did not talk for a long time after that. Months and months.  
To this day i think back to how crazy it was to have realized i had been living a lie and thankfully i never signed a lease that i would not have ever been able to afford by myself.  
This is just one.  I have oh so many.  Liars suck.
Thanks for listening.

How do you tell someone that they are going crazy?

How exactly do you tell someone that you think that they may be crazy or going crazy?  How do you convince someone who is paranoid delusional that it is all in their heads?  How do you convince the ones you love that they really do need HELP?  And you are not trying to be mean or call them names, but you really think that they need to see a doctor?

This is what i just had to deal with with a close relationship.  He desperately needs help!  I am not a professional and no mental health expert on things outside what i deal with myself.  I have done some armchair research into trying to diagnose strange behaviors of people i live with or know well, but i profess to know very little in regards to mental health and what my doctor or therapist might know.  I do know that i think that this person i was talking about has multiple disorders overlapping which makes it even tougher to try and understand.  One thing i do understand is that this person needs to see a professional.  There is DEFINITELY something wrong.  They need help or i fear they are going to end up dead from either suicide or drug overdose to try and numb the mental discomfort.

It is a lot harder to tell someone they are losing their minds then it seems.  I personally was not successful, but i said it in the most loving way i knew how and i did it from the heart.  It was rejected and made me create an elevated level of anger and distrust towards me.

I let this person go.  It was too unhealthy for the both of us, but mostly me.   I do not want to put myself too close to a person i know that is high risk for early death and an ugly descent on the way down.  It is so sad and heartbreaking to see such a beautiful soul underneath it go to waist because the insanity runs the show.

It deeply saddens me.

Remembering 3.11

In 2012 i made a decision to try and re-blog as little as possible thus pushing me to write more and more personal things. I am going to, however, make an exception here for this video. Everyone should see it. These people are amazing examples of surviving and having the human spirit shine. We should take a page from their grace and appreciate a little more from our own lives. These people lived through hell so we could all learn from them. Please at the very least on this 1 year anniversary of the Japanese tsunami, take a moment and think of the many that lost everything… and many, their lives. They will live strong in our hearts through the global community that feels for them.

Do you see something wrong with this picture?

Each time I get on the J Church and am rolling north into downtown San Francisco, you will pass Dolores Park.

The view from the top corner is really incredible so my eyes usually gaze upon the city looking across to the East Bay.

You go under the pedestrian overpass so there’s not much scenery so most people usually tend to gaze away from the window and back to their laptop or across the train or to their book or their iPhone.

The lower section is where the real visual entertainment starts coming about. Keep your eyes peeled out the window looking below to the right, you’ll be looking for the basketball courts. They sit on the north west corner of Dolores Park so they’re going to be at the very top right when you come to the end of the block. As you come out of the tunnel you’ll catch a little bit of white striping on the court, follow it with your eyes.

I think somebody had maybe a little episode of Parkinson’s while trying to line the courts. I’ve never seen anything quite like it it’s been this way for years it really is quite hilarious!

Wanted to post this picture because Dolores Park’s in the process of a massive renovation. I have a feeling that in a very short amount of time this janky line work will no longer be able to be enjoyed or seen so here’s my ode to you Janky line work, may you live on through the Internet forever!


Roommate chronicles…a character study. Study 1.

¬† I love and hate having roommates. ¬†I have lived alone. ¬†When i was about 21 i lived by myself in a studio for about 5 years. ¬†This period of time also ran parallell to a period of time where I was suffering from MAJOR depression with anxiety, mourning and suicides, not to mention exposure to the “real world”. ¬†It did not go that well for me. ¬†Living without roommates left me isolated and unmotivated to do anything. ¬†

¬† I am the kind of person who has always liked people. ¬†I was raised to TCB (take care of business) and treat others with consideration and respect. ¬†It always has seemed to be easier for me to do for others before doing for myself. ¬†I dont know if i enjoyed being able to feel useful which is easier to see through someone else or i deep down felt like i didnt deserve it. ¬†I dont know yet. ¬†Therapy hasn’t revealed the answer to me yet….

  Anyway, i know what it is like to live alone, but boy oh boy do i know what it is like to live with roommates.  I have had oh so many characters for my roommates over the years. Over the next several days, i am going to give you a character study of a former roommate i have lived with.  There are many more that the group that i am going to give you here, but i have always wanted to do this and actually started a roommate character study but my computer got stolen and i hadnt backed it up so this time it is going to be backed up into cyberland!  I am also not including any of my former roommates names.  If they read this, i assume that most of  them would be able to recognize themselves in it, but it is nothing that is untrue.  I know that different perspectives are going to see things differently, but this is my perspective and it is true as to how i see and saw it.  I hope you enjoy!



I one time lived with 3 other girls. ¬†4 of us total. 3 girls with the master tenant being this ¬†extremely passive agressive chick who lived as if she were on some reality show, never coming out of her room without full hair and makeup. ¬†Her house (our house i suppose ¬†but didnt feel like it!) was so “staged” that one day i came home to find every single outlet in the common part of our house has a “plug in” air freshener in it. ¬†It was so bad that it sent a friend of mime that came by to see me into a massive allergic reaction to the point where i think she went to the ER to be able to breathe. ¬†She never could enter my house again. ¬†we would sit on my stoop instead.


¬†That goes more towards the need people to see me as keeping a super clean house. ¬†She bought every single kind of massively wasteful, un-environmentally sound, toxic disposable cleaning product know to man. ¬†Growing up in a very green aware environment, i had a big problem with this one. ¬†From the Swiffer everything to Clorox Clean-ups to everything in between. ¬†We had a double long closet that took up a whole wall that was all cleaning supplies… disposable cleaning supplies. ¬†


To give you an example of her passive aggressiveness, let me tell you this story of the missing coffee supplies. I back then was making coffee every morning. ¬†I had a french press that i would usually take to my room so i refill my cup when needed. ¬†The other things i needed to make coffee was a clear glass square air locked mid sized canister that was filled with sugar and had a spoon that stayed in it, a ceramic plate/ tile/ tray thing that i made just for my dirty spoon for my coffee, and a coffee bean grinder. ¬†They sat way back on the right in the far corner of the counter not bothering anything or one. ¬†Not a lot of cooking was going on at this time because we all were busy and were getting used to living together. ¬†I came home one day about a month and a half or so of living there to not find ANYWHERE. ¬†I looked for f…..ing days (two and a half to be exact) for my coffee making stuff. ¬†It sucks without any coffee like that! ¬†I had looked everywhere i could possibly think of…. Nowhere. ¬†Wanna know where i finally found it? ¬†I found my clear glass canister of sugar , coffee grinder and ceramic tray, … in the oven. ¬†We had a HUGE long skinny kitchen. ¬†LOTS of counter space. ¬†In one little place at the very end of about 12 linear feet of counter top was too much… CLUTTER!!! ¬†So instead of putting them in a cabinet, or the fridge, or under the sink, she put them in the oven. ¬†That way we have glass epoxied to the sides of our oven with burnt sugar. ¬†It took me 2.5 days to finally find it. ¬†Thank god i didnt find it the hard way, by having the sugar explode with glass fragments all over the oven.


  Its funny because I heard later, that she actually DID try out for American Idol when they did auditions here in San Francisco several years ago.  She did not make it.   But,  i would pay a lot of money to see that audition and the feedback i tell you!


Phew.  So glad i dont live with her anymore!

Breaking up IS hard to do… but finally i can now breathe!

  I am not going to delve too deeply into my personal life onto print and unleashed to the world because of several reasons, but i do have to say that after an 11 month relationship that was doomed before it started, it feels good to feel like me again.

Not every relationship we get into in life ends up how we hoped it would be. ¬†The person never ends up being exactly who you had made them up in your mind to be. ¬†They become real people with good days and bad days, and ways to deal with stress that isn’t ¬†ideal. ¬†As well as traits that seem to grate you just so.

I had not been involved with anyone in quite some time prior (due to personal choice and chaos of life, there really wasn’t a place for it and i wasn’t exactly presentable while having a nervous breakdown and emotional turmoil.) and I had forgotten how spoiled I had gotten in being able to live my life just as I liked. ¬†I could live in my space however I chose. ¬†I could watch whatever I wanted and talked to whoever I wanted at any time with no guilt or implied guilt. ¬†I could keep the bed made for more than 20 hours. ¬†I was able to stretch out and have the temp. at whatever I wanted. ¬†And mostly, I could spend as much time giving my new kitty as much attention as I wanted and he needed.

The breakup was bad, but what was worse was the time leading up to the end.  We both were miserable and there was clearly no hope or chance in repairing.  We were a square peg and a round hole.  I invested almost a year on something that clearly failed.  It seems like too long at my age to spend on a doomed interaction, but i see people in clearly unhappy and disfunctional relationships that go on for years.  I at least am not that masoginistic but it does feel good to be back in clean energy of myself.

I see it as there are tribes and you do not have to come from the same place, be the same age, or have the same interests even. ¬†When you meet someone from your tribe, you just know it because you just get one another. ¬†Usually this rests on a common sense of humor or passion for certain things in life. ¬†Usually after time, you find out that there are common traits in these people and yourself, but you dont need to know that to know when you meet one of “your” people.

Let me give you my piece of personal advice on choosing a relationship partner.  Find one of your tribe.  Hold on to them and treat them well.  They should do the same.  It is the only way to not have to sacrifice or change and question who you are as a person.  It is the only way to know that you do not have to waste a lot of unnecessary time trying to get the person to take it as you are trying to mean it.  There is nothing worse that fighting over thing after thing because the other side is taking it from a different angle than what you were trying to express.

Having someone just understand and accept who you are is such a rarity period. ¬†Especially the older you get. ¬†Also the older you get, usually the less people you meet. ¬†Your circle gets smaller. ¬†Your focus on importance of lots of things becomes much simpler as you go through life. ¬†I suppose you could say that we get worn down a little. ¬†Both physically and emotionally. You dont have the oomph to relive things that you did and learned from already. ¬†You see how important the people and pets and family that truly care for you are and how rare those relationships come. ¬†I bet you all that in 10 years time, you will not have the same people that you would expect right now would have in your life, and you will still have some that you never would have expected. ¬†Dont prejudge friendships and dont think that they automatically last forever. Nothing does. ¬†Everything is ephemeral. Period. ¬†Dont take things for granted. ¬†Find out who you are and dont lose yourself completely. Do nice things for others even if it is really to make yourself feel good… which comes to my last lil thought gem… always appreciate a two-for! ¬†(those are the win win… when it is bad bad it is a double whammy ūüôā

I came across this cute posting about makeup storage… it led me to write about my experience as a professional makeup artist and what worked for me.


I came across this cute blog posting,


which had the little tiny Phrase “What do you think?”. ¬†This is regarding makeup storage. ¬†Clearly i felt i had more to say than even I realized and so…

This was my response… ¬†

I find that you will thank yourself for having everything consolidated so you know what you have to work with. I did makeup in San Francisco for over a decade until i took a turn to fine art. I learned a lot about makeup, how to handle it (all those little different shaped pots and compacts), what was needed and what just cluttered my kits and threw me off my vision etc. I learned the hard but probably most natural way. I adore makeup and can not resist buying new things that would catch my eye or were seasonal. I would spend a lot of money on makeup. And would end up with tons of it everywhere.

I found that there were certain staples in my kit that i needed every job. I needed tints to be able to custom match any foundation or powder. I needed a good spectrum of shadows and colors to chose from. In the end, what i found is that less is usually more.

It was a really smart thing for me to make all my (say for instant eye shadows or lipsticks) together in one or two pallets. In the begining i could not afford to purchase an entire kit of say MAC Makeup which after you get established as a makeup artist and apply, (If you get approved you receive 40% off (when i started it was free, now there is a $40 anual fee) so you can really actually afford to stock your kit with their fantastic paints.) before this i took a piece of thin wood board and velcro dots and attached my individual pots onto one board so when you are working you can see and quickly and easily access your makeup. Taking a look at what your choices are always somewhat defined what i chose to use, along with my mood and of course the desired effect of the look we (the photographer and i) were trying to make.

I found there were things that it turned out that just never got used. It either didnt wear well or apply well or the color just didnt work,. I held on to these in the beginning fearing that i might just need this at some point. You dont. If you havent used or wanted to use it in a year, put it into the deeper storage drawer or like i usually did was give it to a friend.

Years and years later i still work like a makeup artist but just only on mostly myself and not even every day… But… my kit is maybe paired down to match only my own skin tone, but I would grab just that and maybe another bag for things like q-tips and lashes etc. that are not needed for home beautifying. I have 4 pallets of eyeshadow, 2 large (3″x6″ or so) that hold15 pots in each, 1 Nars and 1 Laura Mercier. All but one of them are nutralls and then a few individual compacts that have either a fantastic color (ie:Nars Santorini and Habanera) and another that has simply black and white. I have about 3 blushes, , concealers, powders, mascaras (about 3), 3 pencils (taupe, brown and white. these are used for all lips, eyes, and brows depending on the look.) If i want a specific colored liner i always use shadow and wet it if it is needed to be liquid. I find you have much more control over the color, intensity and placement if using powder. You also have the luxury of then picking the brush that will be able to accomplish what your desired effect is going for.

When i really got good, i started learning about color theory. It may seem to most a simple subject, but it is something i could probably study for a lifetime and still be learning it can really be complex.

After i got good with custom blends (which is what i would have to do almost every time when i had a hodge podge of misc. makeup to chose from, i decided to go and get pigments. Lip pigments i got were Red, Yellow, White, Pearl and Black. I did not end up getting the blue because i was doing pretty much editorial hi fashion or natural looks and blue was just not needed, but also because Mac’s lip pigment in black has a lot of blue in it. It is clearly a blue based black and was able to do all of the beautiful lilacs and lavenders with that. Then i got a lip balm, a chap stick and some Mac LipGlass and that would allow me to make every single color i ever could possibly think of needing. I got rid of every tube of lipstick shortly after.

I found that with three colors, white and black and texture, you can make everything (except for maybe mascara) to just what you want.

I became more time efficient and felt much more focused. I no longer had to stress over not having anything that is gonna work for this person and this look. Yet at the same time, i could actually cary in one decent sized bag my entire workstation including hair styling and towels and drapes etc (tip: next time you are at a public bathroom, grab a couple seat covers and fold them up and stick them in your kit. They make great impromptu drapes to keep your models clothes clean. I know it looks a little silly but it works!)

I wish you luck with your future ventures if you continue to chose makeup art as a career. Just make sure you always still enjoy doing it! When it is no longer fun, change before you hate it. Or at least that is maybe just what i did. But i didnt ever want there to be anything negative associated with beloved MAKEUP!

I hope i am able to share some of the fond memories of my years of makeup and hopefully pass on some of the tricks that took a lot of trial and error to figure out, but enjoyed every minute (mostly!) of it!

Thanks for asking Bewitchery.wordpress.com!

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A clarification of my blog. What it is about, and where it is headed in 2012.

I have been doing some 2012 new thinking lately.  A few things are creating this need to reflect upon my life and what it is all about not to mention this blog.

I started this blog as a neighborhood blog and posted on relavent things that i was interested in (Art and design and craft and clever things.)  It quickly became an outlet for an extreem and sudden loss of my roommates kitty  (who was mine by this time because she had adopted me almost immediately upon moving in 2 years prior and my roommate rarely came home).  She was 19 so it was her time, but it was an incredibly sudden and violent death.  VERY traumatizing.  It all happened over about 20 minutes of horrific body spasms and drooling a lot of blood.  The most heart wrenching yeowling in body writhing pain right on my bed in front of me.  My roommate happened to be home at the time (OH THANK GOD!!) and we were all crying and screaming and telling her it was ok to let go and that we loved her.)  She died in my roommates arms.  Just where she should have because she was born not breathing and he breathed for her and she came to life and so i guess one could say it was full circle.  Regardless, it was HORRIBLE to have had to watch.  I was devastated as was everyone who witnessed it.

My blog now had turned into a healing and honoring device that helped me create closure with the loss.  I also got my new little kitty Arthur 2 days after Tiki died.  The loss of her life allowed me to save little Arthur who was slated to be put to death the following day at 3pm.  I picked him up at 1pm.  He was so terrified but has really come so far in just 3 short months.  He now sleeps and hangs out on not under the bed and now has even let several people other than myself pet him.  Every day or two i have a new breakthrough with him it seems.  It is really rewarding.  And as he becomes more comfortable he shows more and more of his personality.  He is hilarious.  A true character.  More to come on this in the future, but i must get back to my original point.

I went to a great little store opening tonight down the street so i could check it out and do a posting on it (watch for it.  I am going to go back and do some photographing without all of the people there to showcase this cool shop that sells electric bycicles)  I asked someone who the owner was to get permission to take a few photos.  I explained to him that i wrote a little blog.  I may have even said neighborhood blog, but i realize that i have moved from writing and posting really relavent things to me, i had begun using it in a similar way to facebook.  It was a depository of reposted blogs that i thought were interesting with a few personally written blogs intermixed.  I think i needed to do this because not only was i mourning the death of our kitty but also two friends and an ended relationship of a year.  I was really stressed out, scattered and depressed.  The blog although was not my own writings as much, kept me still looking for things that impacted me in a profound enough way to believe it worthy of rebloging or posting.

There is nothing wrong with doing this.  It creates a depository of relavent entertainment to the times pertaining to my life.  A snapshot of culture from my perspective so to say.  But when i started to think about it, i realized that there was no real common thread to my blog.  I hadnt been writing as much about my city and neighborhood.  It was and is kinda all over the place.

I may not correct this 100% but i think it is time for me to really figure out what this blog of mine is all about.  Is it a sort of therapy?  Is it a modern culture statement?  Is it a design and art/craft showcase?  Is it a way to have a voice in this ever failing time?  I dont know, but i promise this to all of you sweet people who have followed the hodge podge of interests posted here so far, that I am going to start really writing again here.  In a sense it is going to also be part online journal.  A way for me to think aloud.

This works well in two ways.  First, i will not ever have to worry about another house fire putting my journals at risk or a move losing them, and second, i can write a lot more before my hands begin going numb while typing than writing.  I will still keep journals.  That will never leave me, but i am going to trust in the readers that they will accept my writing as a thank you to them listening to my thoughts.

It will also continue to be a neighborhood blog as well as a city blog.¬† However,¬† i havent wanted to start getting too upset and angry in my observations, and lately, that has been the thoughts associated with things that i see happening in this (once) GREAT! and now Good city of San Francisco (see posting on Sherif Ross Mirkirimi’s political witch hunt).¬† So i am going to write what i am pondering and what i feel and what i see around me and what i discover, and who i am.

I just thought that of this leap year with the Mayan calendar ending and all, i would begin to clarify my direction hopefully to both you all and to myself.

I look forward to seeing whats in store for us!  I hope you are too.

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The world of Synesthesia… Quite an amazing phenomenon!

When i was deep in art classes at SF City College about a 8 or 9 years ago, I took this fantastic class on Color.  I had been waiting patiently on this class which was up at the main campus (all of my other classes were down at Fort Mason campus) but, i wanted to take this class so bad i took it and my ceramics class up there 2 days a week and went to the other side of town the other two.

In this class i learned oh so much.  Fascinating stuff about light and pigment and color and vision and all kinds of other things.  A really interesting class to say the least.  At the end of the semester, we were assigned to do a oral with visuals presentation about color of some nature.  It was a really cool thing to see how many different topics 28 people chose.  Everything to the history of auto paint to mine, the drama of makeup.

One of the presentations was on a phenomenon i had never heard of and it got me!  It stuck me in that place of curiosity that sticks with me for many many years.  It was this amazing thing called Synesthesia.  It is a disorder (i hate using that word because it makes it seem like there is something inherently wrong with them which there is not. It is just different.)   It is a phenomenon where peoples sense wires are crossed so one may hear color or taste shapes.

The person doing the presentation said at the end that she had read the book and had no room for another so she was donating it to any of us who may want it.  I WANTED IT!  I luckily somehow got the right number or the long straw or however it worked out, i dont remember exactly, but i got the book.  The book was called The man who tasted shapes.

I happened to be talking to a friend about this topic and decided to let the scientists and doctors explain what almost a dozen years helped me to forget (the little details which are really needed when trying to explain something as complex as synesthesia.

And full circle i came when i found out that the one video i chose was an interview with that very same doctor that wrote that book all those years back.  A lot more i have just found out has been discovered about this condition which makes it even more fascinating to me.


Footnote: It is kinda interesting to know that it is widely agreed that Waisly Kandinsky, the abstract painter, was most assuredly a synesthete.

Anyway, i will let the doctor explain it to you best. with this video.  Pretty interesting i say!