Why is witnessing vulnerability so interesting to us?

I have a few thoughts…

Maybe it makes us see we are not alone,

Its not projected in society (we keep that shit private!)

May not be accepted in this era of never fail and never fear.

Like Brein Brown says, is it confused with weakness?  And if so, why and when does it cross that line?

May be painful to see emotions that we can recognize and empathize with.

It may just look crazy and unusual psychosis seems fascinating to most.

It may depend on how much understanding ones self has on issues with vulnerability and the human mind/emotion machine

Or to compare the others ‘infraction’ to the severity of their own (unless a sociopath of course!) and weigh in on wether they themselves are within the acceptability levels of modern society.

Maybe it is to test ourselves to see if we are truly seeing vulnerability or it is someone manipulating vulnerability?

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Also regarding the manipulation of vulnerability… if it is being done, is it being done consciencely or unconsciencely?  If unbeknownst to the vulnerable one, is it really defering it to avoid revealing their true vulnerability?

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How much vulnerability is acceptable to show ourselves vs. the outside world.

I know i am much more real with myself than i would like the world to know about.  The way societal views come in and out of fashion so quickly, will one revealing their vulnerabilities end up being shamed down the road & having it come back to haunt them? Making  THEM the one that is then not accepted by society, when while behaving this way back then, it was perfectly normal.

Is it just perspective and point of view as well as personal beliefs and experiences that decide what way we take seeing anothers vulnerabilities?  Or maybe it has more to do with how we feel about ourselves at that very moment as to how we feel towards seeing in a state of vulnerability.

I am still not too sure.  Where is the line between having empathy for someone’s wrong doings vs. judging and writing them off for those acts?  It is a very interesting thing for me to ponder….

 

Mr. Wright ended up being Mr WRONG!!

Per example…  I met this guy named… shall we call him Mister Wright.  He was foreign and hot and sweet and funny and available and we hit it off when he was introduced to me at a party.  He was getting ready to go back to his home country in a couple days.  I had a huge 3 storie loft and my girl friend Tracy was staying with me at the time so it was safe enough to offer to have him save some money and stay at my place for the next 2 nights until he had to leave.

The first night we all were there, was Tracy’s birthday.  I threw a little dinner party for her and then we went out to a neighborhood night spot for a couple hours.  Things seemed to be fine still….

We saw my next door neighbor down there and I offered to give him a ride back and we all hung out for a while longer.  Well, almost all of us.  All but Mr. Wright who was pouting  next door.  I didnt feel bad.  This was Tracy’s night after all.

The next day, he transformed into this gushing begging to be loved and to love me type guy.  I had known him for less than 2 DAYS!  AND, he actually said the words “let me just love you. I just want to love you”!  He was actually crying. Real fucking tears!

RED FLAG ALERT!  CODE RED! CODE RED!

I knew that he had to go.  I had to get this guy out of there and quick.  It is usually not one of my easier tasks (well, back then. I have gotten much more of a spine over the years and hopefully forceful tact!) to have to be the bad guy or the mean one and deal the bad news, but it was not an option at that point.

Bye bye Mr. Wright who turned out to be oh so Mr.Wrong for me.

But that led me to think about it over the years.  Why did i not feel any empathy or sympathy?  He clearly was hurting and i shut off like installing a concrete wall.  I did not have the patience and understanding and to this day, his vulnerability that i witnessed still feels more pathetic than powerful.

…….
After sleeping on it and thinking about this one for a little bit, i think that i know why i did not feel empathy towards his vulnerability.  I think that the whole scene was just the excuse for something else that had nothing to do with me or his staying at my place.  He clearly had some other ‘issues’ he was dealing with and it may have been easiest for him to use me as an excuse.
Either that or i am just too damn fabulous!  JUST KIDDING!!
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My ramblings: My version of parallel universes!

Bluepearlgirl in deep thought....

They say that we live in a world of parallel universes.  I know that that means some complex super string type scientific theory, but i think it also pertains to all of us right now.

I see the world as a million parallel universes (ie: each and every one of our lives) that are concurrent and happening simultaneously through our own lives.  They are parallel because they are all accuring durring the same moment in the universe and on the same planet.  I think about how my life is so completely different from the neighbor downstairs and the neighbors across the street and the people on the block and the people in the city.  We are each our own little universe living at the same time on the same planet. We tend to cross more universes the closer you are to home or where you spend your time.

My universe is oh so different from a young girl living in Sudan or Pakistan, Yet, because we share the same planet at the same time, we once and a while are effected by someones universe or reality on the other side of the planet.  Wether it be man made like the Fukushima Nuclear Plant disaster or a natural disaster like volcano erupting mega-tons of ash and gas and debris high up into our atmosphere or atmospheric warming, we at any moment can be living with the same mandates.

I do think that it is usually the natural disasters that bring more of our universes together and sync’d up the most.  I believe that that may be why there is such an amazing, almost palatable energy that is more like a force, strong and powerful, in the feeling of connected-ness.  This is a pretty rare thing that there is something so big that happens that makes everyones lives have to focus on the same thing at the same time.

It also happened on 9/11.  We all witnessed a tragedy that stirred the same emotions initially.  It was a time that no one needed to talk because everyone was thinking the same thing… Holy S**t!  Oh No!!  Oh god!  I was also interested to notice after the silence ended, discussion started and kept on and on and on….

As of now, 2012, we have a wider ideas that are different about what exactly happened that beautiful September morning.  We are farther away from the event that set our universes in sync.  However we all do still have the memory of what we all saw, felt and experienced.  Not one person can say that they did not know what they were doing the first time they heard or saw what happened on 9/11.  It kinda trips me out that there is one day where probably 2/3 of the planet were paying attention to the exact same thing at the exact same time.  It was a day universes collided!

Two universes in sync.

Anyway, this is no scholarly write so please do not judge my strange ramblings too much.  They may or may not make any sense to anyone and it would not surprise me if they dont.  But this is the type of thought that my mind ponders all the time.  How we are all living such different lives, but we cross paths and are affected by the same things as many others around us.  So many tiny worlds doing their own living but all living together at the same time.  It is pretty awesome (as in awe not shaka bra!).

Anyway, i will possibly regret posting this thing tonight.  It is like my version of a drunk dial.  I may have the unfortunate realization after a good night’s rest that maybe i should have left that last rambling in draft form and think about it and at the very least, re-read it!  It may not even be cohesive!   But i am plowing ahead.  Submitting this to you straight and unedited.  (disclaimer: i will probably read it in the morning when i wake up and will have to do some re-editing so if it gets cleaner and more cohesive the next time you looked, i have tried to hide my mess:)

So many universes living in a parallel world!

But this one is for all of you… In Brean Brown’s endorsement of vulnerability ( you can see it here in one of  her lectures for TED..  http://bluepearlgirlsworld.wordpress.com/2012/04/01/listening-to-shame/)  Here is my first ever unedited share of one of the subjects my mind deeply thinks about on a regular basis.  I am hoping  that someone will tell me if they think that i have totally gone mental and need medical help! I wont be offended i promise!

So cheers little Universes!  May yours be peaceful in the heart and healthy in the mind tonight! :)

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Our city of universes!  A different one in virtually every window but all as much as a little sheet rock separating them from one another.  Weird!  Mind boggling too.Enhanced by Zemanta