This is the reason I walked half the length of the city tonight!

I had the longest Mass transit experience of my entire life today. It started this morning with the bus ride from Visitacion Valley to Bernal Heights. After that I had to go from Bernal Heights to North Beach.

There are several different routes that I could’ve taken however I wanted the smoothest most comfortable ride route… So I went with the KT third Street railcar.

Oh my gosh what a mistake that was! I should’ve known it when the driver of the 24 which took me to the third Street light rail wouldn’t allow me to get on because my transfer had expired.

When we got to Evans,this is what stopped us dead in our tracks. We were all forced to get off the train. We ended up walking most of the way to n. beach, Because it kept any trains going beyond the point of the accident.

All in all my one-way trip from Bernal Heights to North Beach took me over two hours and 15 minutes!

I did however make a friend named Larry who walked with me the entire way we had a good time & I think it was all worth it. However that doesn’t mean I ever want to do it again!

Now in regards to this accident this is a triple offense, take a look at the pictures below… First… Notice how far the trucks right tire has crossed over the crosswalk. Then, look at how close the truck cut that turn next to the muni. And finally the final insulating blow…

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There is a no left turn sign in the intersection! Triple fail that sent people to the hospital. That truck needs to have his commercial license revoked I think!

And finally I snuck a secret smoke break shot of my new friend Larry. It was so much more fun with him and I making our slow way across town! Thanks Larry!!

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Now I am exhausted and need a joint & some rest for my poor feet!
:)

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Seems to be an anomaly to be spending my delayed flight with a bunch of pencils!

In this day of technology, we don’t do many manual things to pass time besides reading & sleeping & eating. After not having my computer for so long, the first thing I did was pull it open. That worked until I just got another delay notice. Time to find my gate & visit the loo. After changing out of my wet (from getting caught in the rain earlier) clothes and freshening up, I found my gate… And it was packed! I found this table kinda in the middle but at the same time out of the way. For this stretch, I wanted to DO something! (Anything to alleviate the urge to want to smoke!). So, I pulled out a drawing l started a couple days ago. Our dear reader Katykins suggested that I take a picture of some of the stuff I have been working on. So, I give u a 2 in 1. My drawing (unfinished!) AND the airport! Hope u all have a fantastic. Holiday!!

Xoxo.
Blue.

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Its Holiday Season again… Does it make you warm and mushy or give you the icky feelings of dread?

 

 

Xmas Tree

Xmas Tree (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It is also not a time in my life that i can falter at all.  This is what all that hard work and preparedness was getting me ready for.  The massive travel back and forth week at a time to get to my dads with bittersweet feelings…  thankful that i CAN be there,  that i have the time and that he is not all the way across or out of the country.  I remember when my dad was in this mode with his aunt (like a mom).  He had to drive up at least every other day from the south bay to San francisco to see her.  Even thought my parents were separated, we (or just my brother and i or just me)  would go up every or every other week.  It was exhausting.  It was stressful.  It was emotional.  It was wonderful to have been given that last bit of extra time!

 

When her time finally came, the feeling was different than i thought it would be for me.  I dont know about how my dad felt, but I had felt this really big empty spot.  A lot more empty and lonely than i would have thought in sort of a different way than i had thought.

 

We had this 2 bdrm apt. to completely go through, get appraisers out, call insurances etc as well as meeting with the lawyers and accountants.  I kept feeling like one did when they were at camp for a week and it is finally time to go home.  You are the last one to be picked up and the place feels SO empty to you.  You feel more alone in that several hours  than i think we feel most of our lives.  Leaving camp was ALWAYS a tough thing for me.  Kind of like leaving my little cat Arthur when i have to leave every time now.  Separation anxiety!  Panic.  Pure panic.

 

This year with the holidays here, its needless to say that they were very important to me.   That since my dad’s real failing health this last month i really just wanted to be with family.  It is probably going to be the last year that my whole family will be here on earth so (aside from the potential apocalypse) this year holdays are especially poignant to me and somewhat surreal.

 

I know (as i have done many many times) that this will be one of those times that i will remember when looking back form the future.  I can see history happening right before my own eyes can see it.  I can sense it.   I can feel the page starting to turn and the chapter is about to change.  I think it is one of those things that mark a major growth and changing of eras.

 

Usually music, which may have not been integrated into my life hardly at all over the last so many months, now comes on full time (not even any news or chanel 9!  No tv!  I would rather use the Roku box to play Pandora than watch tv.  And just a couple months ago, tv was my way of relaxing at the end of the day.  Now i just cant stay focused on just one thing for that much time. Music you can hear while typing or packing or eating or drying ones hair.

 

Not only that, but a whole new grouping of music is starting to mark this period of time like a big memory timestamp.  They (the songs) (wether i want them to or not!) are becoming the soundtrack for this new period of time.

 

The things i do and the way i feel and the things i see right now are going into a more permanent place in my brain banks because it is so filled with upcoming change and surrounded by such thick emotion.  I can feel myself change.  I know that pretty soon, i will never be the person i used to be.

 

For all of you “grown ups” out there, you are probably thinking to yourself… “that is called growing up”…. I know this, it still feels just a bit strange when you feel it starting to happen but you are still the same person.  It is like the forces of change are moving into your soul to make that change in accordance.

 

Some of these changes include the obvious ones like my dad and his delicate health scenario as well as all of the travel associated with it.  There is also some cracks within my family that have been revealed recently that could be game changers for the closeness we have (possibly falsely) believed we had.  It will be interesting thing to see what happens.  It may be one of those times a child must define themselves as a full grown adult to others around them even if they will always be younger or the child or whatever.  At 38, one is a full grown adult and i believe old enough for others to be able to have decided wether or not they are a quality and competent as a person or not.  The role of the parent or older sibling is the job with all of the power and control who usually desperately tries to hold onto that same level of power and control even with fully grown kids/sisters or brothers.  Who would want to give up something they have taken a lifetime building?

 

But everyone deserves to feel like a grown up when they are deeply into their grown ups!  If they do not, it is simply because either A. the family has enabled them or B. because the family undermines their self esteem making them question themselves throughout their whole lives.  If the people that raised you dont believe in you and you have a lot of respect for them, then it usually ends up not so well for the child.  That undermining self-esteem can sit in the back of your head haunting all of your wishes in life.  It is hard.  Even when you believe in you, when the ones you love do not, it is a heavy blow that never seems to be able to be shaken off the back.

 

Self esteem can make or break a perfectly great person.  And usually it is the soul crushing that comes from within the family or those that we look up to.  They have a lot of lasting damaging power over us that they often like to turn back around and blame back on us.

 

These are some of the things that happen to adjust the power structure when children become adults.  The adults sometimes forget that they only get so long to do their raising and then, it is time to stand back and see if they were a good teacher or not.  If they (the child) starts making poor choices, you as a parent do not get the option to jump back in and continue to raise them some more.  If the child fails at making good decisions, that could possibly mean that YOU failed as a parent in your raising.  That is your own work that you are seeing them using to survive.  Most of the time though, the family only sees a part of what the whole story is.  They have no idea how we are to really use our time and solve problems and set goals.  Jeez… they dont even usually bother to ask us if we even have any goals or plans to improve our futures.  Do they just assume that we just sit around whining and picking our noses?

 

I just know that the holidays are wonderful and yet so stressful and can be so depressing at the same time.  They are wonderful if you have a great loving family or family of friends to surround yourself with, but can be easily as equally depressing if you do not have anyone, just lost someone or are not getting along well with the people you care about at the time.

 

For you all, i truly hope that you have a low stress winter holiday season and are surrounded by the love that every human being deserves.  I hope you take the time to appreciate that this moment is here… because it WILL change.  That is guaranteed.  The thing is that we just dont expect to change soon.  What i have found is that change can happen in the blink of an eye.  So now is the time to live in the moment and appreciate that the hands of change have not moved any of the ones you love out of your lives yet.  Enjoy each other.  After all, we may not even make it to Christmas if the end of the world comes on Dec 21, 2012!

 

 

 

:)

 

 

Guess What? Its our birthday and we are 1 years old! Happy anniversary blog*!*!*

HAPPY 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!

I can not believe 365 whole days have passed since the day that i decided to start this blog.  I have to thank my dear Bernalwood.wordpress.com and Curbed.com for leading me into the brilliant and hilarious and informative creative genius that inspired me to begin this art experiment.

When i started this blog, it did not have a real direction or purpose. (I dont know if it has a purpose now other than it being my current creative outlet and a very satisfying activity to be able to exercise my right to my own free speech without being sensored in any way (for now!).

I have always been a talker.  I think it is genetic because my mom is a BIG talker and even was a politician so i think it naturally runs in the blood.  But i also like to talk and always seem to have an opinion.  I am not trying to push my beliefs onto you, but i really do like the idea of being able to open up a conversation with total strangers that are based all over the world.  You, my beloved blog followers are representing many different parts of the globe.  It just goes to show, that issues that are important to me over here on the west coast of California can be related with in a place on the opposite side of the world.  There is not so much difference or separation as our media and governments and churches would like us to think.

Just for you to get an idea of what you all have helped me to accomplish in this year of my blog…

  • as of 2:58am on Nov. 17 2012, i have received 59,107 individual views on 417 postings. (my goal was 50,000 but dang i wish i had made it to 60,000 so that way i can figure i get about 5000 each month.  Now it is 4??? a month and i suck at math so i just dont do it. :)  But 59 thousand is not too bad for a  little girl who just babbles online!  Thank you!

Now, i would like to share some of the things that have occurred over this past 52 weeks.  A lot has transpired.  Probably no more than any other average year, but this year, i have markers so i can actually really see what has gone down.

We will start with the farewells….  I lost both friend, family and pet this year.  My Grandma passed away along with my friends Big Ben, John Paizon & Lentle.  Our kitty of 16 years; Tiki and our little Beta fish Tyrone passed as well.  However  I have gained a new Beta named Finochio and saved King Arthur from the clutches of death by less than an hour.  He is now my new family and so lovely!

My little baby Arthur!

I had 2 reunions, a family reunion and a 20 year High School reunion that both were great!

I have begun a daily intense exercise program and cleaned up my diet a bit (less sugar and trying to avoid fried at all costs!  Why then i ask is the fried food the tastiest food?)

I rode the farthest on a bicycle in SF ever (around 30 miles) in one night for the 20 year anniversary of Critical Mass.   As well as attended the 20 year anniversary of my friends awesome party by Wicked Sound Systems (yes… i used to be into early 90’s San Francisco house music scene and it was INCREDIBLE!!).

I also used for the first time and then again 2 more times (totaling 3x) , rideshares.  I really had a good experience with all three in fact and would highly recommend anyone trying it as a cheap, and environmentally friendly way to travel without having to deal with airport security!  Plus, you get to talk to people you may never meet otherwise.  I have enjoyed the ride sharing experience a lot and it is nice that there is a mode of transportation that actually has positive connotations associated with it.

The San Francisco Giants won the World Series and we found out that we are losing the SF 49ers to Santa Clara (Booo!).

I also cleared up some of my credit.

Not too bad in a single year!

But… Now for the most important message of my anniversary blog… My thanks to you, my readers.  You make writing for you so special to me.  I absolutely love that you feel comfortable leaving your comments as well as share some things about yourselves in those comments.  I love that we have an international conversation here even though one would never know it just by reading what you wrote.  I basically love you all, my blog followers and readers.  You make this oh so worth while.

While i would like to say that it doesnt matter if anyone is reading what i am posting, it makes it so much more, more… well… EVERYTHING to have you here along for this journey with me.

You all are my originals.  The first to be a part of my blog experience.  This i find very special and cool and i thank each and every one of you that took the time out of your life to share in what i have to share with you let alone leave feedback.  You all have made this first year of my blog an incredible experience and i am really looking forward to seeing what is going to be on topic for the next year.

So, in short… WE DID IT!! HAPPY 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY EVERYBODY!!  And from the bottom of my heart… THANK YOU!!

To Rideshare or to Fly… That is the question….!

Cabin of a Virgin America A320

Cabin of a Virgin America A320 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Here i lay at my familiar crossroads of travel… Should i fly home or find a rideshare?  There are pluses and minuses to both… Here they are….

positives and negatives of flying…

  1. The swift amount of time it will take to travel from Las Vegas to San Francisco.
  2. I flew out on Virgin America and it was the easiest flight post 9/11 i have taken.  No lines ANYWHERE! and the flight got in early.
  3. Virgin America has a Giants Baseball channel on the onboard tv’s that you can watch!
  4. I would get to see the world from above.
  5. Cost me $250 to get out here when i bought my ticket the day before i had to come. (with 10 day advanced booking it would have been $79 not $211!).
  6. Transportation home from the airport would have to be arranged.
  7. Just damn stressful dealing with homeland security at the airports.

 

The positives and negatives of Ridesharing

  1. The ease of not having to go through security and adjust how i have to pack. (this is a big one!)
  2. Not having to submit my freedoms to some min. wage worker who has control over my future by homeland security.  (i just read that the Supreme Court ruled for a case that basically says that anyone can be CAVITY SEARCHED without any charges being pressed on them!)
  3. SO MUCH CHEAPER!! (although i am not paying for it, i hate wasting other peoples money!  Unless it is Corporate America’s!!) It would cost me at max $50 to get home as a vehicular passenger.
  4. Get to meet and talk to a total stranger.
  5. Easy drive.  9 hours so can be done in a day.
  6. Get to see the central valley as we drive by.
  7. Can actually sleep possibly on drive home.
  8. Can get all the way home to my front door without having to do a change of transportation.
  9. Do not have a lot of opportunities to be a car rider (or driver for that matter!… I have no car in SF.  You dont need one if you are smart!)
  10. MAY find a driver who is 420 friendly ;)

So, thats the pluses and minuses of my options.  I am going to take whatever i can find and hope that it is not the most stressful way possible for me to travel!  Fingers crossed!!

 

Here is a photo hike around Bernal Hill at sunset with San Francisco looking oh so beautiful!

The bright flood light on the horizon is Candlestick park.

You for a rare change can see Mt. Diablo off on the left horizon.

This cute pair i stumbled upon, Ryan & Cassandra, who were driving the coolest 1970’s Mopeds!

One of their Mopeds parked on Bernal Heights Blvd.

Not only is this cool moped called “Swinger” but even more stylish, it is made by JC Penny’s!

The city beyond.

Downtown with the Bay bridge on the right.

The Eiffel Tower of San Francisco… Sutro Tower!

See the sky? It is fighting between day and night.

almost straight ahead (unable to be seen her but it is there!) the Golden Gate Bridge.

Mighty Sutro Tower atop Mt. Sutro (aka Twin Peeks)

Night has won the fight and the lights of the city have come on, but it is still somewhat light. I love this 5 minutes of the day!

And as soon as it comes, the light of day is gone and night is upon us. Looking at Sutro Tower from Holly Park, one of the oldest parks in the city.

I walk around my neighborhood almost every day so you all have seen some photos from this location.  The fantastic thing is that it has 360 degree views of San Francisco and it is filled with the nature.  Life could be worse!  I love you San Francisco!

My days as a child sure are different than they would have been now, but i am thankful and they taught me a LOT!

 

 

Pete and me and my blanky and waldo. circa 1978

I was born in the early half of the 1970’s.  Things were SO different back then.  Not the obvious… I played as a kid, i went to school, i did the family obligations, i had friends, i went to sports practice and games and girl scouts… you get the picture….

What was so different is HOW i played as a kid, and Why i went to school, and What my family obligations were etc.

It was a much slower time back then.  AND a time with SO MUCH LESS unwarranted fear.  So much more communication and planning.

You couldn’t just go by the ATM machine when you got low on cash, you had to make sure that you made it to the bank before 4:30 and if not, you wrote a lot of checks (and probably cashed one at the grocery store!).

You had to have LOTS of patience when trying to reach someone, because, the answering machine had not been invented, nor the cordless phone.  This meant that you let the dang thing ring for at least 30 rings just incase they were in the yard, bath etc. There was no caller ID so if you just missed the call, you would have to just sit there wondering who it was and if and when they might call back.

Back then, we could play unsupervised.  This meant OUTSIDE.  Now, we had markers that were supposed to corral us into not wandering too far (not farther than the field at the end of the Petersen’s lot type thing), but this freedom gave us not only the freedom to adventure and discover, but it gave us an independence that i think carries into the rest of our lives.

Things just moved slower because they had to!  Which ultimately meant we all lived with more patience.  You had to have patience because if you needed to reach someone, you just had to wait, hope and keep trying.

Meals were simple and nutritious.  You know, like a lunch with a pbj sandwich, carrot sticks, cheese and crackers and a milk or juice or something to that effect.

I remember as a kid, you had to get creative (in your own mind!) when it came to playing inside.  We had no video games, or vcr’s or dvd’s.  For god sake, we did not even have any cable tv.  We had 3 network tv channels and 1 public broadcasting station.  THATS IT!  so, tv was not really that much of a deal.

Instead, we had things, like board games, and Light Bright and even musical instruments to have a marching band through the house.  My brother had a chemistry set and an erector set that we would play with and i had Linkon Logs and a tutu!

I would go picking wild flowers and then leave them on the front porch and ring the doorbell and run and hide every May 1 (may day!). And i was sure that my mom couldn’t have known who had done it! lol.

We had a dog and a cat and a bunch of fish, a few hamsters, a gunny pig and a few turtles not to forget a couple of parakeets over the years.  My dog and cat were with me my entire childhood so they were also played with a lot.

I still played with dolls (which i would walk down to the creek in their little stroller:) but i also played with Star Wars action figures with my friends usually the boys.

I lived deep in the redwood forest near Santa Cruz, so i was more isolated than most of my friends that lived in town… So, it was somewhat lonely for me out there and what i am sure i would have said extreem bordom… but that ended up being beneficial to me to have lived through, now in modern time.  It allows me to escape into isolation and enjoy it.

We had respect and even a little fear of our parents.  Not because they ever beat or hurt us, but because we did not want to disappoint them!  We had chores.  A bunch of them that we had to do before we could make plans or go out and play.

If we were bored, my mom would say, “well, you could clean your room or read a book.”  …I managed to find something to do…. :)

The thing that i think my childhood did for me was, teach me that if you work hard, you deserve to reward yourself but not the other way around.   And that it is up to me to be responsible and reliable and honest.  And if i am, i should feel good about myself no matter what the successes and failures i may encounter.

I was taught to love, and trust (when it is earned) and to show respect.  Not only to myself but to others around me.

I was taught not to be ungrateful for what i dont have because SO many people on this plannet would do anything just to have those same situations… and that things could always be worse so look on the bright side.

Most importantly, i was taught not to take for granted so much that i am so blessed for.   We get so caught up in all the things that we cant have or didnt get or achieve…

That is not the way to see the world.  If you are healthy and have people who love you and do not have to live in constant fear and have the freedom to make your own decisions, then …LIFE IS GOOD!!

Take that with you today.. It is so easy for us to get bogged down and feel the weight of all of the bs of life on our shoulders, but for one day, dont.   Dont let it get you down, because you have got it REAL GOOD!!  Enjoy it for a day for a change!  All that bullshit will still be there waiting for you tomorrow… take a day off and enjoy this beautiful planet with all of its beautiful life and colors and forms.  Simplify.  Life really is good even if you have a bunch of bills that need to be paid!

:)

If you have not seen the most EPIC stunt driving in San Francisco, EVER… Then meet Ken Block.

This video has stirred conversation about it throughout several different groups of friends of mine that are totally unrelated.  That means in my world… “chatter”.  And anything that has got this kind of chatter in my life, deserves to be shared.  What you are about to see is simply incredible!  Topics of conversation about this video has ranged from how one can actually drift like that, to what time of the day they must have shot it to get the permits to close those roads, to how much insurance had to be had in order to make this happen.  Regardless of the chatter, it is an AWESOME thing to watch.  This guy has gotten himself some serious SKILLS!!  Ken Block… You truly are one hell of a driver!  Thank you for not destroying our city like so many others without your skills have!

Newest ponder, where on earth does one hone skills like these?  Probably grew up in snow! ;)

Enjoy!  I am again!

:)

if the video did not post, follow the link, it will not lead you astray!

There, I fixed it! Motorcycle win on the 505 south in calif.

https://fbcdn-video-a.akamaihd.net/cfs-ak-ash4/v/593723/890/10150954640613492_31293.mp4?oh=7fed1beec52ddb133950a7e214395319&oe=4FFBAA20&__gda__=1341893152_6a5de5351bebd427b593c641372c2b02

Photos of Ashland Oregon’s Lithia park

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From my family reunion. Beautiful work McClaren sure does. This park though much smaller still has the quaint wonderland feel that his claim to fame Golden Gate Park has. Really lovely! Could get lost here for days!

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It is a travel day again for me, but OH SO MUCH BETTER with no airport security!

Ashland Oregon

 

What a week…..  I just must start with that.  It has been what was aiming up to be the most stressful pre-trip week ever.  However, somehow, this time, it all (knock knock on wood!!) went so surprisingly easy!  Let me just tell you, it is a whole lot easier on my psyche to not have to pack and dress for a flight.

Not having to go through the security with the possibility of  being strip searched is wonderful, but, not as wonderful as being able to take liquids and 2 bags of any weight is even better!

This week i am going to my family reunion up in Ashland Oregon.  I have been really looking forward to it even though i was the only one that (due to living in San Francisco and not needing a car) had to figure out how to get up there by today.

This time i was bound and determine to do whatever it took to not have to ride a greyhound for hours to get there.  And, this time, it actually worked!  What worked you ask?  Craigslist ride share is what worked.  By friday, i had secured a ride (thank you Dusty!) and over the next 3 days, i received another 5 or 6 offers from some that i had emailed from their posts, and some that responded to my own post on Ridejoy.

$20-$30 to get to Oregon?  That seems unbeatable to me!  I could not have done it any cheaper or any more comfortably.  I am also given the chance to get to know an Ashland local during the drive so i should have all of the inside information on the best secret squirrel spots in Ashland.

In this economy of ours, we have to start looking at ways to save money doing those things that we are used to being able to just pay for.  Rideshare was a perfect example of that.  I know it is not ideal for everyone, (those with bikes, babies, dogs, lots of people, your whole family etc.)  but, for a single girl who is on a very limited budget, it gives a way to save some money and a chance to meet some new people. Not to mention a direct path without thousands of intermittent stops making the drive WAY too long!

Hopefully we arrive to Oregon safely and quickly and the rest of the trip (including figuring out a plan back!) goes as smoothly as getting there does!  Knock Knock on wood!

I am bringing up both of my computers so that hopefully i can continue to write a post a day for you all.  I will explain later why there have to be 2… but that is another nightmare story for another time.

Right now it is time to get dressed, zip up my bags and play and brush out my kitty before i leave.  He i think does better than me during our separation.  So i must get extra kitty loving in before putting him in the good care of my old roommate.  He will probably like her better by the time i get back because she has got the long nails to scratch behind the ears with!

Well i had better not waist too much more time here… Time to pack it up and hit the road!

Hope your weekend was as easy as mine and i hope your week is as wonderful as i hope mine to be.

Au Revoir fine readers!

Another bizarre bit of San Francisco PSA: Traffic edition. Enjoy!

Video

Whoever thought up this idea for this commercial giving SF Bay’ers a heads up about some bridge construction traffic changes. I think the board that approved this add may be as kooky as the bunch pitching it! But, still, i like it in a strange way….

Do not travel around the bay area this weekend… It is going to be a HUGE NIGHTMARE!

Ok… Lets start with the bridges… Golden Gate Bridge turns 75 and the bridge will be closed on Sunday between i believe 6-10pm.

Dumbarton Bridge (Hwy 84) will be closed until Tuesday morning at 9:30am unless work finishes early.

Then, within San Francisco, Muni is going to be shutting down several lines including the N Judah which is the busiest transit line in the MUNI system.  Along with the N, the J Church will be closed (except from Market to Embarcadero), the 22 Fillmore and the N owl will be rerouted until June 4th. (that is 9 yes NINE days!).  

So, needless to say, the traffic in and around the bay this weekend is going to be HORRIBLE!! 

If you are planning a trip into SF to join in the festivities of the 75th birthday party, i HIGHLY recommend that you take cal train, bart or ride your bike into the city.  Because i live on the opposite side of the city, the traffic is going to be so bad that i think that i will just watch the fireworks from the top of Bernal Hill if fog (lack there of) permits.  

Also, if you come into town, come in early, plan to spend the day, and BRING SUNBLOCK!!

Happy travel on this Memorial Day Weekend!

My anxiety is moving from orange into red alert levels with upcoming travel!

I am starting to feel the pit of my stomach start to get all bunched up in knots.  I know like a subconscience meter as the days get nearer to the day i must travel.  Having to leave town has always stirred up an ocd tendency in me to PANIC!

The first and biggest panic is my separation anxiety of having to leave my little pet.  I always have an excuse no matter when and what pet i have at the time.  It is really more about me not wanting to be without them rather than them thinking that i left for good and they will hate me forever.  With my new kitty Arthur, I am going to challenge that separation anxiety more than ever because he has such fear issues.

Arthur the day I adopted him. Picture taken of him at the shelter. Please adopt an animal and do not buy one! Save a life why dont you? ;)

I adopted Arthur about an hour before he was about to be euthanized.  Not, might i say, because he is a problem kitty.  Actually anything but.  But he is terrified.  He has abandonment and trust and massive fear issues.   Since i have gotten him on Christmas Eve last year, i have gotten him to not only come out from under the bed, but he actually hangs out on the bed and sleeps with me.  He has some bad days where he wont come out, but he always can be bribed with cheap cat food with lots of gravy.  (i have tried everything!  He has yet to taste one single human food, not even bacon, butter or chicken! I am afraid to try the last resort… tuna.  If he doesn’t like it, i could be screwed if at any time i run out of food.  I did live through the 89 earthquake so i think about things like this.)  So far it is me and only me that he trusts.  But, i will have to change that, because i have to go to Portland to attend my grandma’s memorial.  I can not justify that one… Can you imagine?  “Sorry, Emelie couldn’t make it to grandma’s funeral because she is afraid of causing her cat more psychological damage, so she blew off the flight and is not here to say goodbye.”  To me even, that doesn’t fly.  However, it does not mean that i am not dying inside missing my little kitty and worried that he thinks he has been abandoned again.


This leads me to anxiety #2… the flight itself.  Ever since 9/11, i HATE having to fly.  It is so gosh darn stressful!  It was bad enough for a girl like me back in the day to pack alone, but now, to have to downsize, evaluating the fluid ounces of all products and potions and getting them into that stupid ziplock bag. (you know that any real girl who likes her products is going to have a hard time with this one!).  Making sure that  i have all chargers, medications, makeup, hair, shoes, book, journal etc. and making it fit in a cary on sized bag… BIG CHALLENGE!  And the fear assists me throughout worrying that i forgot SOMETHING.  And it is probably something really important.  It always is.

The only way i can get through the packing trauma is to start about a week early with lists.  Those lists get longer and multiply as the days near.

The separation anxiety and the having to pack when it is not a regular activity and one has a system that they are familiar with, it becomes nothing but one huge nightmare.

Things get better once i arrive and settle in, but then to go through it all again to get back home…. UUGH.  Not to mention having to be dealing in confined quarters with parental units at the age of 37 is always an interesting dynamic.  We all do just fine when we just visit, but being together full time under stressful situations, it has been a bit of a fiasco in the past.  I do believe that we are all at a better more mature and cohesive place when we travel together, but that is still mom and i am still her baby.  I want to be extra patient though this trip because it is her mom that passed.  So far she has not expressed any sadness over the phone, but i know this is a big loss for her.  Losing a mom is a blow to everybody and an especially big blow if there is a great relationship with them even if they are 90 when they do go!  I am pretty sure she accepts it and is very at peace with it, but it has to be really sad too.  No matter what.  Gosh… it is sad for me too.

Anyway, i doubt that me complaining out loud on a public forum is going to help me really at all, but i am here to be real with all of you, as well as myself and this is what i am dealing with right now.  It will be interesting to see if the extreem anxiety increases my writing or blocks me up and makes it unable for me to write really.  I am bringing my computer (of course) so we all can just wait and see what happens in about a week.

Travel is not my #1 anxiety activity.  It is #2.  #1 is moving… the king daddy of travel!  Moving destroys me with anxiety (as i am sure it does lots of others!.  I am curious (and help me keep my mind on other things! Please!!), what is it that hits your biggest anxiety triggers?  Please share with me!  I am sure a lot of people have no problem traveling, but there has to be something that they avoid like the plague because it kicks the anxiety into high gear.  Come on, share with us all.  After all, they say confronting your fears is healthy!  :)


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Link

Macondray Lane

Macondray Lane (Photo credit: rockcreek)

Macondray Lane

Macondray Lane (Photo credit: jrover)

Macondray Lane
Macondray Lane (Photo credit: sabel)

(link) This is like the little perfect dream home on the ‘tales of the city’ street

Gosh how perfect this little home snuggled into Macondray lane in San Francisco.  You know… the one that Mrs.Madrigal lived on!

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Pretty awesome time lapse photography. Go around the world and never have to leave your chair!

<p><a href=”http://vimeo.com/34400428″>Time is Nothing // Around The World Time Lapse</a> from <a href=”http://vimeo.com/kiendawtcom”>Kien Lam</a> on <a href=”http://vimeo.com”>Vimeo</a&gt;.</p>