I feel like the end of this year it has been a game of knock down and get back up over and over again.

Woah. It has been quite an eventful and trying end of the year for me this year. From my computer going down for almost 2 months to my dad getting sick and all of the back and forth travel between San Francisco and Las Vegas.

It has been a defeat and then a triumph and then a defeat and then another triumph. It has been such a roller coaster ride!

The reason why i am choosing to bring this up with all of you is because i really thought i was just about to get back into the writing roll here after successfully fixing my computer (finally! and PHEW!!). Things were on the right track. It was only a little bit longer before i had gotten my brain out of its forced writing hiatus. I could feel the blog topics forming in my subconscience.

Then, Christmas night rolled on through with the news that NO ONE saw coming and thus shut my desire and ability to write right back down the rabbit hole again.

I found out that i lost one of my dearest friends….

It has been a long time since i had to actually mourn. In 2007, i lost my kitty of 14 years. It was really rough. It took almost 3 years before i was ready to rescue another one. Then when i was 19, my best friend from 7th grade (and former roommate) committed suicide. I still haven’t gotten over that one. I don’t think i ever will. And finally the last mourning i had done on this scale was when i was in high school, I ran over my dog of 13 years by accident and we had to put him down. (Ironic twist to that story, my mom hits the cat accidentally 2 weeks later, and since we just put the family dog down, my mom decided to plug $2000 into our 13 year old cat that we found hiding on top of my dad’s wheel well in his truck at his job when he was a baby. He was scrappy and had clearly been in a few fights already in his few months of life. We took him home and he and my dog became fast friends and he went on to live to be 16 years old. (funny note: I named him cuddles… i know… i was 6 years old! However, i re-nic-named him night-stalker because he sure was not very cuddly!) However, in retrospect, there was a reason why he had been hit so close to Charley’s death. He lived a miserable life those last years.).

Anyway, since Christmas, i have been nothing but constant tears and disbelief. Usually when someone we know dies, there is a reason for it… they had a weak heart, they were driving in that terrible weather, he has a history of ____ in his family, or he had come down with ____. This time, we dont know the reason for my friend Reid Gilbert’s death. He had some minor surgery on his toes 2 days earlier and they were causing him a lot of pain. The afternoon of the 21st, he laid down for a rest. His partner John went into the living room with Reid’s mom to have some ice cream and talk. John went to check on Reid about an hour later and he was not breathing. He WAS NOT BREATHING??? How can that be?

My friend Reid had more life in him than just about anyone i knew. He was filled with enthusiasm and charisma and so much love. He could talk to anybody. He was so friendly to the point where he almost had no shame in it. He was blissfully unaware how other people often are socially awkward. Reid was somewhat socially awkward, but not when it came to meeting people. He was gifted with words. When his father died, he did a lot of writing but otherwise, those words were expressed through talking. And boy could Reid talk! (maybe that is why we got along so well! lol.)

I have known the boys for almost 18 years, but this last 3 years or so, Reid and i spent a lot of time together. Oh how i did not know what a gift it was back then. We could spend hours talking about EVERYTHING and ANYTHING. He was this amazing loving, giving man that i had the honor of knowing and loving for so long.

We dont know why he died. He was not ill or even shown signs of sickness, let alone death. And unfortunately, we will have to most likely wait for a while because our dear coroner is backlogged (we can spend tens of thousands on MLB parades and Mid-Market revitalization, but can not hire enough coroners to autopsy our dead?! Thanks again Mayor Lee… for doing a shitty job!

Anyway, it doesnt really matter why he died. He is gone. That is the reality that i am left with and it has made it almost imposible to write you all because of it.

So if my blog posts are not back on with the same zeal, know why. I am mourning. I can only heal as fast my heart will allow and i appreciate your patience while i am going through this.

Thank you for your patience and understanding!

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(this is Reid on the left with his partner of 21 years John Fox)

On such a day of thanks, How could it be that one of my dearest friends Reid Gilbert passes away when he is in the prime of his life?

 

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loss 2012

  On Christmas night.  Right after finishing a lovely Christmas dinner with my dad and 3 of his friends, i receive the news.  Reid is dead.  What?!!?  NO!!  How on earth could this happen?

Reid and his boyfriend John Fox have been 2 of my closest and dearest friends for almost 20 years.  They moved to Mexico two years ago after Reid’s brother (who was living in Mexico) went missing and was later found to be murdered.  In the process of looking for his brother, Reid fell in love with the community that his brother had decided to call home for 21 years.  After dealing with a lot of paperwork and legal tangles here in the states, John and Reid ended up moving down to the community that his brother had made his own.  They had been down there for a little over a year.

We dont know what the cause of death is (possibly a blood clot from some small surgery to his toes 2 days prior.  Regardless, he passed in his sleep while staying with John at his mom’s house.

When someone asks you… do you know anyone who has a perfect relationship?  Most of the answers will be no.  However, i did have one.  One perfect pairing that lasted from start to finish for 21 years.  This is John and Reid.   They found each other early on in life and decided to be together then and there.  Since then, they have formed a bond so tightly that they worked almost more as a single unit.  They perfectly complimented each other.  There was never a time where some other person put their relationship at risk.  They loved being a couple.  They were one.

How John will go on with the last half of his life?  It is going to be tough i am sure.  They planned on being together for much MUCH longer than this!  John is strong though.  He was the one that was more of the anchor and i am glad that it is him and not the other way around that has to pick up the pieces because i dont know if Reid could have if the tables were turned.

So on this season of thanks, i have to thank you Reid Gilbert.  You brought this world so much happiness.  You were one of the very best ones one could find.  Even if you did not know Reid, we all have lost a giving loving soul.  He was an amazing person who will be missed so much for so long.

So, for me, although the world did not stop for us all on Dec. 21, 2012, It did stop for Reid, and in turn, our lives (those who knew him) have ended an era as well.

I LOVE YOU REID GILBERT!  I HOPE YOU CAN SEE FROM ABOVE, THE POSITIVE IMPACT YOUR LIFE HAS MADE ON SO MANY AND THAT YOU ARE AT PEACE.  THANK YOU!!  I miss you so!

Homage to Tiki… day 7. …So gone so quick!

Tiki at the back door 2011

My little companion Tiki who passed away suddenly and violently 2 days ago, was one extremely traumatic experiences i have ever experienced.  One of the reasons was because her youthful spirit.  Every day we would forget that she was 16, or 17, or 18, or even 19.  She only started to show any decline in september when she began losing weight.  But not too much and she still had spunk.  Just to immortalize that fact, i give you a video of Tiki playing just 20 days before her aweful end.  She was actually playing like this the night before she died, but i knew there was something really wrong.  Boy was i unfortunately right.  I miss you like the world little tickerdoodle my persnickity tickity!

Ps. your secret grave is still looking beautiful!

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This is to allert you all that Bluepearlgirls world in officially in mourning….

Yesterday morning our dear cat of 19 years… (she has been mine for the last 2), died a traumatic and horrific death.  I am in shock and therefor not my usual skippy self.  I plan on taking time away to put together a Tiki Memorial which i will post here.  I just wanted to explain why my header is not Mt. Sutro right now and my page is in black… It is still active and you have found it but it is experiencing some deep sadness and am in deep mourning.

Miss you little critter!

Tiki in the sun 2011

If you or a loved one has recently lost a beloved pet, the SPCA recommends the following reads…

Reading Materials

  • Grieving the Death of a Pet
    By Dr. Betty Carmack, R.N., Ed.D., Augsburg Publishers 2003
  • Losing A Best Friend, a collection of articles compiled by the San Francisco SPCA
  • Pet Loss: A Thoughtful Guide for Adults and Children
    By Herbert A. Nieburg and Arlene Fischer, Harper & Row, 1982
  • When Your Pet Dies: How To Cope With Your Feelings
    By James E. Quackenbush and D. Graveline, Simon and Schuster, 1985
  • Living Through Personal Crisis
    By Ann Kaiser Stearns, Ballantine, 1984
  • Coping With Sorrow On The Loss of Your Pet
    By Moira Anderson, M.Ed, Alpine Blue Ribbon Books, 1996