I feel like the end of this year it has been a game of knock down and get back up over and over again.

Woah. It has been quite an eventful and trying end of the year for me this year. From my computer going down for almost 2 months to my dad getting sick and all of the back and forth travel between San Francisco and Las Vegas.

It has been a defeat and then a triumph and then a defeat and then another triumph. It has been such a roller coaster ride!

The reason why i am choosing to bring this up with all of you is because i really thought i was just about to get back into the writing roll here after successfully fixing my computer (finally! and PHEW!!). Things were on the right track. It was only a little bit longer before i had gotten my brain out of its forced writing hiatus. I could feel the blog topics forming in my subconscience.

Then, Christmas night rolled on through with the news that NO ONE saw coming and thus shut my desire and ability to write right back down the rabbit hole again.

I found out that i lost one of my dearest friends….

It has been a long time since i had to actually mourn. In 2007, i lost my kitty of 14 years. It was really rough. It took almost 3 years before i was ready to rescue another one. Then when i was 19, my best friend from 7th grade (and former roommate) committed suicide. I still haven’t gotten over that one. I don’t think i ever will. And finally the last mourning i had done on this scale was when i was in high school, I ran over my dog of 13 years by accident and we had to put him down. (Ironic twist to that story, my mom hits the cat accidentally 2 weeks later, and since we just put the family dog down, my mom decided to plug $2000 into our 13 year old cat that we found hiding on top of my dad’s wheel well in his truck at his job when he was a baby. He was scrappy and had clearly been in a few fights already in his few months of life. We took him home and he and my dog became fast friends and he went on to live to be 16 years old. (funny note: I named him cuddles… i know… i was 6 years old! However, i re-nic-named him night-stalker because he sure was not very cuddly!) However, in retrospect, there was a reason why he had been hit so close to Charley’s death. He lived a miserable life those last years.).

Anyway, since Christmas, i have been nothing but constant tears and disbelief. Usually when someone we know dies, there is a reason for it… they had a weak heart, they were driving in that terrible weather, he has a history of ____ in his family, or he had come down with ____. This time, we dont know the reason for my friend Reid Gilbert’s death. He had some minor surgery on his toes 2 days earlier and they were causing him a lot of pain. The afternoon of the 21st, he laid down for a rest. His partner John went into the living room with Reid’s mom to have some ice cream and talk. John went to check on Reid about an hour later and he was not breathing. He WAS NOT BREATHING??? How can that be?

My friend Reid had more life in him than just about anyone i knew. He was filled with enthusiasm and charisma and so much love. He could talk to anybody. He was so friendly to the point where he almost had no shame in it. He was blissfully unaware how other people often are socially awkward. Reid was somewhat socially awkward, but not when it came to meeting people. He was gifted with words. When his father died, he did a lot of writing but otherwise, those words were expressed through talking. And boy could Reid talk! (maybe that is why we got along so well! lol.)

I have known the boys for almost 18 years, but this last 3 years or so, Reid and i spent a lot of time together. Oh how i did not know what a gift it was back then. We could spend hours talking about EVERYTHING and ANYTHING. He was this amazing loving, giving man that i had the honor of knowing and loving for so long.

We dont know why he died. He was not ill or even shown signs of sickness, let alone death. And unfortunately, we will have to most likely wait for a while because our dear coroner is backlogged (we can spend tens of thousands on MLB parades and Mid-Market revitalization, but can not hire enough coroners to autopsy our dead?! Thanks again Mayor Lee… for doing a shitty job!

Anyway, it doesnt really matter why he died. He is gone. That is the reality that i am left with and it has made it almost imposible to write you all because of it.

So if my blog posts are not back on with the same zeal, know why. I am mourning. I can only heal as fast my heart will allow and i appreciate your patience while i am going through this.

Thank you for your patience and understanding!

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(this is Reid on the left with his partner of 21 years John Fox)