Ok. So my dad, his best friend and caregiver Debbie and I made a pact last night to be nice and try and enjoy Christmas today, after having a huge blow out yesterday. Debbie was in tears (which is a constant for her.), Dad was over it but also sorta playing both sides just so he wouldn’t have to hear the arguing and i was not taking the abuse and vocally let it be known (aka the hammer). All in all things were going downhill… rapidly!
I did not just fly over 400 miles to come from one house of disfunction straight into another. We are all pretty aware as well, that this is probably going to be my dad’s last Christmas here with us all.
So it is very important for it to try and be a positive memory for us all. That is all i wanted for Xmas. Just to get along and enjoy each others company. Unfortunately it is looking as if we can not even make it till 2:30 (a whopping 4 hours!) without someone picking up the same topic that started the blow out yesterday, which we had agreed on not bringing up.
Which leads me to this question…
Why is it that some people think it is ok to project a lot of angry and corrupt energy into their entire surroundings? They clearly are not thinking about anything or anyone but themselves. It is so seriously annoying and can really ruin a day.
(This does make me VERY thankful for headphones and personal music playing devices! It is the only way aside from outright leaving (which is what i have had to do to be sitting here writing this now to not get passively agressively sucked into the drama.)
Life is so short. Why is it so hard to want to appreciate it? It may not be perfect, but we are all together, we have a beautiful meal here, presents were opened, heat was on, roof was over head, and we even have every movie channel that one can get. AND WE ARE TOGETHER!! We are so SO LUCKY!! How come it seems like i am the only one left on the planet that wants to focus on this?
My dad and i get along pretty awesomely when it is just he and I. I hate to say it, but right about now, i wish it was just us two. I know we would be enjoying the day even with him so sick. We still have the want to laugh and enjoy life. I come off, i am pretty sure, as someone who is unbending, but not so at least for now. I bent over backwards and kissed serious ass last night to get Deb to come around in hopes of a non disfunctional Christmas this year (when i did not have to apologize at all. I did not do anything wrong but state that her and i were going to have to agree to disagree when it comes to my dad. She did not want to let me have my own opinion and if it was not hers, i was not hearing her…. Grrrr.) I am trying here. I could have gotten deep into it with her right then and there for talking about my dad that way, but i didnt. I just said that i appreciate what she was saying, but i just happen to disagree. We are going to have to respect each others opinion as it is not the same as our own. She did not like this at all! And i did not like that at all).
So now, while dad is out, and i am preparing dinner and she is cleaning up something or another, she starts back in at my dad. I said i did not want to talk about this topic today. We had agreed.
Toss the agreement out the window, because then she says that nobody wants to listen to her. She has no one to talk to and no one wants to hear her. Well, that is pretty correct. At least when it comes to the fact that my dad is very ill and does not and can not have energy all the time. I do not fault him for this, she does. This is where we have a major difference of opinion. And when it comes to my dad, it is a very invested and personal thing to us both. The only one Debbie seems to be concerned with in a sympathetic way is herself and the only one that has no personal responsibility in the way she feels and the way people are treating her. I feel like i am right back in elementary school for the retarded.
What happened to good tidings and cheer? What happened to warm holiday wishes? What happened to the concept that people chose to be miserable or be happy?
Why cant us grown adults just get along? We are supposed to be setting the example! At this rate, disfunctionable people are the only thing that we are going to be able to create!
So folks, For me, this year, would you please think about taking a little bit of effort to get along with those that we dont usually naturally? Take those deep breaths. Take the high road. Make it a holiday that you all would want to remember!!! Remember all of the love. Remember that you are together and that will not be the case forever!
Merry Christmas everyone!!
I have a heart warming story to tell you my friends.
It involves my family that was able to help another family out. Hope you enjoy it~
Every year my parents have gone out to the streets of San Francisco to hand out gift packages filled with food and candies to the homeless. They also give out socks, sleeping bags, scarfs and other clothing to help them in the Winter season.
SAN FRANCISCO (KCBS) - The beginning of the new year will bring some changes to the streets of San Francisco - and you'll need some change to deal with the changes.
After all, there will soon be no free ride on Sundays in San Francisco. Well, technically, it's no free parking - at least in metered spots.
"In the 1940s this policy was implemented for free parking," Paul Rose, spokesman, San Francisco Municipal Transportation Agency, explained why, until now, drivers could park for free at metered spots on Sundays.
On Christmas night. Right after finishing a lovely Christmas dinner with my dad and 3 of his friends, i receive the news. Reid is dead. What?!!? NO!! How on earth could this happen?
Reid and his boyfriend John Fox have been 2 of my closest and dearest friends for almost 20 years. They moved to Mexico two years ago after Reid’s brother (who was living in Mexico) went missing and was later found to be murdered. In the process of looking for his brother, Reid fell in love with the community that his brother had decided to call home for 21 years. After dealing with a lot of paperwork and legal tangles here in the states, John and Reid ended up moving down to the community that his brother had made his own. They had been down there for a little over a year.
We dont know what the cause of death is (possibly a blood clot from some small surgery to his toes 2 days prior. Regardless, he passed in his sleep while staying with John at his mom’s house.
When someone asks you… do you know anyone who has a perfect relationship? Most of the answers will be no. However, i did have one. One perfect pairing that lasted from start to finish for 21 years. This is John and Reid. They found each other early on in life and decided to be together then and there. Since then, they have formed a bond so tightly that they worked almost more as a single unit. They perfectly complimented each other. There was never a time where some other person put their relationship at risk. They loved being a couple. They were one.
How John will go on with the last half of his life? It is going to be tough i am sure. They planned on being together for much MUCH longer than this! John is strong though. He was the one that was more of the anchor and i am glad that it is him and not the other way around that has to pick up the pieces because i dont know if Reid could have if the tables were turned.
So on this season of thanks, i have to thank you Reid Gilbert. You brought this world so much happiness. You were one of the very best ones one could find. Even if you did not know Reid, we all have lost a giving loving soul. He was an amazing person who will be missed so much for so long.
So, for me, although the world did not stop for us all on Dec. 21, 2012, It did stop for Reid, and in turn, our lives (those who knew him) have ended an era as well.
I LOVE YOU REID GILBERT! I HOPE YOU CAN SEE FROM ABOVE, THE POSITIVE IMPACT YOUR LIFE HAS MADE ON SO MANY AND THAT YOU ARE AT PEACE. THANK YOU!! I miss you so!
In this day of technology, we don’t do many manual things to pass time besides reading & sleeping & eating. After not having my computer for so long, the first thing I did was pull it open. That worked until I just got another delay notice. Time to find my gate & visit the loo. After changing out of my wet (from getting caught in the rain earlier) clothes and freshening up, I found my gate… And it was packed! I found this table kinda in the middle but at the same time out of the way. For this stretch, I wanted to DO something! (Anything to alleviate the urge to want to smoke!). So, I pulled out a drawing l started a couple days ago. Our dear reader Katykins suggested that I take a picture of some of the stuff I have been working on. So, I give u a 2 in 1. My drawing (unfinished!) AND the airport! Hope u all have a fantastic. Holiday!!
Xoxo.
Blue.
Stencil of SF Giants pitcher Brian Wilson.
Graffiti PURPOSELY PLACED on a home on the west slope of Bernal. I believe that our neighborhood has either 3 or 4 of these stencils up. They are done by an artist from Oakland (aka the old sf!)… Hopefully Wilson will have completely recovered from the Tommy Johns surgery and he is impressing Bocce a LOT… enough for us to offer him a competitive contract. Because at this point, Mr. Wilson is a free agent. How could we lose the beard that we all should fear?? What will i wear on game day??!! Dilemmas! Oh well, i am going to enjoy my bearded misfit champion team with Brian Wilson a part of the mismatched symphony of players and hope for the best!
Looking down the Blue Devils drumline at the Nike Women's Marathon in San Francisco on 10/14/12 as they motivate runners to complete their distance through Golden Gate Park.
The past month plus has been a very surreal experience for me. Two months ago, i had 2 perfectly working computers. Within 2 weeks I had zero. The last month and a half i have gotten to learn the jump in with both feet kind of learning curve, just how much my life and my anchoring to my life is based through my computer.
I have just been sort of drifting this last month and a half. I have been scattered, disconnected, out of touch and just kinda unhinged through this time. I have also had to do a lot of traveling back and forth to see my dad which really throws off my whole life schedule… but with no computer, no blog, no writing, no photos uploaded, no local news & no easy typing (the reading on my iphone was not ideal at this age either!)… I had nothing to anchor me down and so i just kinda spun.
The first section home between the first and second trip i partied my ass off. Staying up till dawn and just basically partying like i did in my early 20′s. It was fun, but boy oh boy did my room get messed up. I still have not fully recovered from it! All of the packing and unpacking and present wrapping and computer parts and machines in various states of repair has not helped the mess get fixed either though.
The next time i came home, i knew i was not going to party like i had the weeks before. That second period i was home, i tried to get up motivation so i restarted more seriously my exercise plan. Hiking longer and more regularly. It feels a lot better living life with exercise but it did not bring back my motivation. However, i did pick back up… and thanks to my friend Kenny, broke through my block & started drawing again, the first time in many months. It felt good.
The other thing i got back in with was cooking. It is the holidays so i made cookies and fudge and soup and cupcakes. It has been fun and, surprisingly, i have not had an unquenching urge to eat all that i have just cooked. It has been more fun feeding those around me which sure helps my waist line!
I am absolutely rusty and in all honesty, am totally surprised that i did not fuck my macbook up completely. I thought i had. I will go into detail the perils we survived to get us back online in a future post, but, It is late and it may be the end of the world tomorrow and if it is, i dont want to spend it in silly details of the luckiest girl with the toughest laptop in the world and instead tell you all just how much i have missed my place here with you. I have missed the conversations and the points of view. I have missed the friendship and the fantastic attitudes of you all. I am SO glad to be back to writing for you all! Like i said, i was not really thinking that i would have a working laptop tonight, so i have sorta had to wedge my brain back into the thinking and typing mode which has been on hiatus now for a while, but i am ready to start sweeping the cobwebs and getting back to the grind.
On one last note, i leave again Sunday evening for my dads for Christmas. This is awesome and at the same time sad for me because on Christmas eve of this year, it is going to be my little baby kitty Arthur and my one year anniversary. Unfortunately for us both, he will be home alone with my roommates on this day. I think i will be way more saddened on this day than he. But it does make me a little sad that we will not be spending our one year marker together, so for that reason, i am dedicating this posting to him. Here is to another year and as much progress as we have made this for next!
I love you Arthur!
Here are some of my photos from my flight to Las Vegas a few days ago. The sunset was AWESOME!! Enjoy!
Check out this strange cloud formation I witnessed from the base of bernal on Mission st. My friend and I spent some time confirming that it was not smoke but a strange cloud formation that made it look like diamond heights was on fire! It is cool tho I think! Hope you like it too!!
The last ones are
the
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0_bx8bnCoiU&feature=related
This is what the sky looked like earlier tonight…
