Sorry folks, My cursed month has continued into…

…and has finally reached my MacBook. My little toshiba was gutted and destroyed by someone calling themselves a friend a couple weeks ago. (Of course… My main one finally breaks 2 weeks after I lose my backup… Cursed I’m telling u!

So, I am hoping to get it fixed in the next day or 2 but, if my curse follows me into December, you may see a lul in my postings. I have not forgotten about all of you dear readers!! Infact I had not realized how much of a theraputic aid it has become to sit down at the machine & write. Just what I need… Another stress relief outlet closed…. (& it is supposed to rain all week so no hiking!:(. I’m gonna have a nervous breakdown if I’m not careful!!)

Anyway, I am doing all I can to be back to u with an opinion and up and running ASAP!!

Thanks for your understanding!

Holiday gift giving just isnt what it used to be. Mostly because they have our cash hijacked once we spend it… Even if it is a gift!

itunes gift card

itunes gift card (Photo credit: 401(K) 2012)

 

I was having a conversation tonight with a couple of friends about gifts and gift cards as well as exchanges and returns.  After about 5 minutes of discussing the gift card industry and things associated with it (Specifically a gift card i received for christmas early this year.  This was a gift card that came with a gift receipt.)   We started to realize that there was Zero, 0, Zilch. Non, Nada reason for one to be included with the card.

Then we started to realize that with the implementation of Gift Receipts, even if paid for with cash, one can ever only get store credit or an exchange.  With the gift receipt we can never prove that cash was spent on the item because they so graciously leave off form of payment so they can force you to contain the money within their company or store.

Once a gift card is purchased, the money has to go to the store.  You can not change your mind and get any kind of refund anymore.  People used to pay with checks and if you wanted to return something, and you paid by check, they would return to you cash.  Since checks are practically antiquated, the only way to get your money back is to have the original receipt and within that first 7 days, you can free your money in what ever form that you chose to pay with.

Then we started to think about how many BILLION$ and BILLION$ of dollar$ that are floating out there in our wallets, our pockets, the dumpster, the sidewalk, the cushions of the couch etc.  with a small remainder of credit on that very gift card that will NEVER be used.  Just think about the amount of money that is generated on that odd remainder!  That is technically our money still.  But it is already with the company so they really are making a double double double profit.  Profit from the initial gift card purchase and then the mark ups when spent on the items and then the unspent remainder.  All benefiting the company and the company alone.

I remember years back when we didnt like something that we got, we could go back with the tags in place within the seven days and we could get some money.  Nordstrom did this for MANY MANY years to many returners (and scammers) appreciation.

Now i think about how much money is going one way never to be able to come back if it is something we dont want these days.

Now I  can definitely see the benefit of these gift card trading (buy and sell) sites as well as places like ebay and amazon to be able to resell your brand new perfectly unused unwanted item to retrieve some cash said item.

All in all, they are fleecing us dry by the looks of it in a lot of ways, that are less obvious than higher interest rates and inflation.  There are the fees and the 1 way money flow… out of our pockets & into theirs.  It is pretty scandalous and we dont even see it or realize it happening or at least the bigger impact of what these policies truly mean for them stealing our money.

So on this year of gift giving… Do your loved ones a favor… Just give them CASH for godsake!  It is a different time than it used to be.  It is no longer seen as lazy or tacky to give cash.  It is only what we work our whole lives for!  Cash=freedom so you are actually giving them the feeling of freedom when cash is given!

People are not judged by how much they spend, but on what they spend. Give your loved one the right to chose where that hard earned money should be spent.  That way, A. the change stays with them and B. they will have a receipt showing that they paid cash incase they change their mind when they get home.  The bottom line is you are at least giving the windfall to the one you are giving to and not some financial corporation for them to take over the free world with!

Plus.. Cash is pretty!

Its Holiday Season again… Does it make you warm and mushy or give you the icky feelings of dread?

 

 

Xmas Tree

Xmas Tree (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It is also not a time in my life that i can falter at all.  This is what all that hard work and preparedness was getting me ready for.  The massive travel back and forth week at a time to get to my dads with bittersweet feelings…  thankful that i CAN be there,  that i have the time and that he is not all the way across or out of the country.  I remember when my dad was in this mode with his aunt (like a mom).  He had to drive up at least every other day from the south bay to San francisco to see her.  Even thought my parents were separated, we (or just my brother and i or just me)  would go up every or every other week.  It was exhausting.  It was stressful.  It was emotional.  It was wonderful to have been given that last bit of extra time!

 

When her time finally came, the feeling was different than i thought it would be for me.  I dont know about how my dad felt, but I had felt this really big empty spot.  A lot more empty and lonely than i would have thought in sort of a different way than i had thought.

 

We had this 2 bdrm apt. to completely go through, get appraisers out, call insurances etc as well as meeting with the lawyers and accountants.  I kept feeling like one did when they were at camp for a week and it is finally time to go home.  You are the last one to be picked up and the place feels SO empty to you.  You feel more alone in that several hours  than i think we feel most of our lives.  Leaving camp was ALWAYS a tough thing for me.  Kind of like leaving my little cat Arthur when i have to leave every time now.  Separation anxiety!  Panic.  Pure panic.

 

This year with the holidays here, its needless to say that they were very important to me.   That since my dad’s real failing health this last month i really just wanted to be with family.  It is probably going to be the last year that my whole family will be here on earth so (aside from the potential apocalypse) this year holdays are especially poignant to me and somewhat surreal.

 

I know (as i have done many many times) that this will be one of those times that i will remember when looking back form the future.  I can see history happening right before my own eyes can see it.  I can sense it.   I can feel the page starting to turn and the chapter is about to change.  I think it is one of those things that mark a major growth and changing of eras.

 

Usually music, which may have not been integrated into my life hardly at all over the last so many months, now comes on full time (not even any news or chanel 9!  No tv!  I would rather use the Roku box to play Pandora than watch tv.  And just a couple months ago, tv was my way of relaxing at the end of the day.  Now i just cant stay focused on just one thing for that much time. Music you can hear while typing or packing or eating or drying ones hair.

 

Not only that, but a whole new grouping of music is starting to mark this period of time like a big memory timestamp.  They (the songs) (wether i want them to or not!) are becoming the soundtrack for this new period of time.

 

The things i do and the way i feel and the things i see right now are going into a more permanent place in my brain banks because it is so filled with upcoming change and surrounded by such thick emotion.  I can feel myself change.  I know that pretty soon, i will never be the person i used to be.

 

For all of you “grown ups” out there, you are probably thinking to yourself… “that is called growing up”…. I know this, it still feels just a bit strange when you feel it starting to happen but you are still the same person.  It is like the forces of change are moving into your soul to make that change in accordance.

 

Some of these changes include the obvious ones like my dad and his delicate health scenario as well as all of the travel associated with it.  There is also some cracks within my family that have been revealed recently that could be game changers for the closeness we have (possibly falsely) believed we had.  It will be interesting thing to see what happens.  It may be one of those times a child must define themselves as a full grown adult to others around them even if they will always be younger or the child or whatever.  At 38, one is a full grown adult and i believe old enough for others to be able to have decided wether or not they are a quality and competent as a person or not.  The role of the parent or older sibling is the job with all of the power and control who usually desperately tries to hold onto that same level of power and control even with fully grown kids/sisters or brothers.  Who would want to give up something they have taken a lifetime building?

 

But everyone deserves to feel like a grown up when they are deeply into their grown ups!  If they do not, it is simply because either A. the family has enabled them or B. because the family undermines their self esteem making them question themselves throughout their whole lives.  If the people that raised you dont believe in you and you have a lot of respect for them, then it usually ends up not so well for the child.  That undermining self-esteem can sit in the back of your head haunting all of your wishes in life.  It is hard.  Even when you believe in you, when the ones you love do not, it is a heavy blow that never seems to be able to be shaken off the back.

 

Self esteem can make or break a perfectly great person.  And usually it is the soul crushing that comes from within the family or those that we look up to.  They have a lot of lasting damaging power over us that they often like to turn back around and blame back on us.

 

These are some of the things that happen to adjust the power structure when children become adults.  The adults sometimes forget that they only get so long to do their raising and then, it is time to stand back and see if they were a good teacher or not.  If they (the child) starts making poor choices, you as a parent do not get the option to jump back in and continue to raise them some more.  If the child fails at making good decisions, that could possibly mean that YOU failed as a parent in your raising.  That is your own work that you are seeing them using to survive.  Most of the time though, the family only sees a part of what the whole story is.  They have no idea how we are to really use our time and solve problems and set goals.  Jeez… they dont even usually bother to ask us if we even have any goals or plans to improve our futures.  Do they just assume that we just sit around whining and picking our noses?

 

I just know that the holidays are wonderful and yet so stressful and can be so depressing at the same time.  They are wonderful if you have a great loving family or family of friends to surround yourself with, but can be easily as equally depressing if you do not have anyone, just lost someone or are not getting along well with the people you care about at the time.

 

For you all, i truly hope that you have a low stress winter holiday season and are surrounded by the love that every human being deserves.  I hope you take the time to appreciate that this moment is here… because it WILL change.  That is guaranteed.  The thing is that we just dont expect to change soon.  What i have found is that change can happen in the blink of an eye.  So now is the time to live in the moment and appreciate that the hands of change have not moved any of the ones you love out of your lives yet.  Enjoy each other.  After all, we may not even make it to Christmas if the end of the world comes on Dec 21, 2012!

 

 

 

:)

 

 

I really hate it when depression hits me like a ton of bricks in the blink of an eye!

Why do i have so much sadness inside of me yet at the same time, i am filled with joy a lot of the time.  The sadness is always there though.  I suppose it is part of my depression that makes it linger so.  It is very easy for me to become despondent at the flip of a switch lately.  In the past while in a depressive state, it seemed to come on a bit slower and last for a while.  Now it comes like a freak flash flood.  I usually feel better after getting a good night sleep but not always.  Not today.  Is it past memories and loss?  Is it loneliness?  Is it fear?  I do not know.  I just know that i hate it when it happens.  I have been dealing with a lot of anxiety lately and usually it is an either or because the depression is quite sedating and the anxiety revs up my frustration and gets me a bit angst which is an activating emotion.  It is a strange feeling when they are both coming on at once.  I have medication that helps me to fight either one of these extreems, but even with that, sometimes the depression/anxiety have the floor.  

I have been through a lot.  I am still going through a lot.  I will always probably be going through a lot but does this mean that these sadness bouts and high anxiety periods will be with me forever?  

I am in general a quite happy person.  I love to laugh and smile and be kind and generally just enjoy life.  I like people and am not afraid to talk to strangers.  I find people fascinating and enjoy interacting with them, but it seems that i do it less a and less lately because i just kinda feel a divide between me and the real world.  I am sure i am not the only one who feels this but it doesnt make it any easier.  And finding others that have this happen is also tough because depressed people dont usually go out into the world and when/if they do, they dont usually interact with it.  

A lot of the time i just feel like a walking (or sitting) contradiction.  Happy and truly happy yet at the same time totally sad and despondent.  How can this be?  It seems like they should maybe cancel each other out and leave me sitting here just kind of ho hum but no.  I can feel one extreem at the flip of a switch and then back to happy.  And i mean really despondent like life taking despondent (dont worry… i would never kill myself but i can not deny that it is thought about a bit.) and then snap back out.  

When this despondence hits (with a vengeance), i go from being just fine to fighting back tears and the desire to find my bed and pull the covers all the way up over my head and lock myself safely away.  

My friends and even family dont usually get this.  They (and probably i would do the same) take it personally and think that i am just trying to get extra attention or having a drama episode.  This is not it at all.  I just go very very quickly to a very dark lonely place that is difficult to extract myself from in a snap.  

It is kinda embarrassing when this happens.  People dont know what to do with me then.  They even sometimes get mad at me because i guess they think i am mad at them?  But that is not it.  People just dont understand.  I just get very very depressed all of a sudden and then all of this pain that lives inside of me is revealed.  I look totally unhinged (which, well, kinda sounds like i am!) but the strangest thing that i find is that people usually dont have much compassion when i am thrown into one of these states.  

It does make living life a lonely place because no one really knows how deep the pain goes or really wants to have to take on the task of finding out.  It is ok.  I am used to this.  I am used to dealing with tough emotions alone.  In fact i am used to just plain ole spending time alone (well, with kitty of course when he is not hiding under the bed!).

I just wish it didnt happen at all.  I wish i could be one of the “normal” people of the world with balanced emotional states.  A non flip floppy existence in life.  There is probably a lot of shame and stigma that i attach to myself as well separating me from the masses which in turn leads to isolation which can not be helpful sometimes.  

Bottom line.  Through life, i feel like i am a truly walking oxymoron.  Maybe i just need to drop the oxy and lighten up… if it were only that simple! ImageDe

A Holocaust Survivor Speaks Of Israel As Being Like Nazi Germany

bluepearlgirl's world:

Wow. Strange how it all comes back around again. Israel is a very powerful country with very little to fear. This i think we all should fear!

Originally posted on ♥ The Tale Of My Heart ♥:

Anti-Zionists Holocaust Survivor

A holocaust survivor speaks of Israel as being like Nazi Germany

This Video is to show the Jewish Community around the world among others who are outraged that there religion Judaism has been hijacked by Zionists who happen to be secular. The Zionists are using the sympathy of the Jews from events in World War 2 to justify there Brutal Occupation of Palestine and the Ethnic Cleansing of Arabs from the region. The Recent Assault on Gaza Has united people around the world with a common enemy which is zionism and this will help bring Justice to the Oppressed, We Recognise Jews Who stand with the palestinians and a message sent from all quarters of the world to the Palestinians You Are Not Alone.

From the River To The Sea Palestine Will Be Free. Inshallah

http://fatla00.wordpress.com/
Haredi Jews that are protesting against Israel, explaining that there…

View original 412 more words

Let’s watch what happens when a drunk woman tries to use Windows 8 for the very first time

bluepearlgirl's world:

I dont think one has to be drunk to feel the same things this woman was feeling while navigating windows 8!

Originally posted on Bizarre World News:

View original

Guess What? Its our birthday and we are 1 years old! Happy anniversary blog*!*!*

HAPPY 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY!!

I can not believe 365 whole days have passed since the day that i decided to start this blog.  I have to thank my dear Bernalwood.wordpress.com and Curbed.com for leading me into the brilliant and hilarious and informative creative genius that inspired me to begin this art experiment.

When i started this blog, it did not have a real direction or purpose. (I dont know if it has a purpose now other than it being my current creative outlet and a very satisfying activity to be able to exercise my right to my own free speech without being sensored in any way (for now!).

I have always been a talker.  I think it is genetic because my mom is a BIG talker and even was a politician so i think it naturally runs in the blood.  But i also like to talk and always seem to have an opinion.  I am not trying to push my beliefs onto you, but i really do like the idea of being able to open up a conversation with total strangers that are based all over the world.  You, my beloved blog followers are representing many different parts of the globe.  It just goes to show, that issues that are important to me over here on the west coast of California can be related with in a place on the opposite side of the world.  There is not so much difference or separation as our media and governments and churches would like us to think.

Just for you to get an idea of what you all have helped me to accomplish in this year of my blog…

  • as of 2:58am on Nov. 17 2012, i have received 59,107 individual views on 417 postings. (my goal was 50,000 but dang i wish i had made it to 60,000 so that way i can figure i get about 5000 each month.  Now it is 4??? a month and i suck at math so i just dont do it. :)  But 59 thousand is not too bad for a  little girl who just babbles online!  Thank you!

Now, i would like to share some of the things that have occurred over this past 52 weeks.  A lot has transpired.  Probably no more than any other average year, but this year, i have markers so i can actually really see what has gone down.

We will start with the farewells….  I lost both friend, family and pet this year.  My Grandma passed away along with my friends Big Ben, John Paizon & Lentle.  Our kitty of 16 years; Tiki and our little Beta fish Tyrone passed as well.  However  I have gained a new Beta named Finochio and saved King Arthur from the clutches of death by less than an hour.  He is now my new family and so lovely!

My little baby Arthur!

I had 2 reunions, a family reunion and a 20 year High School reunion that both were great!

I have begun a daily intense exercise program and cleaned up my diet a bit (less sugar and trying to avoid fried at all costs!  Why then i ask is the fried food the tastiest food?)

I rode the farthest on a bicycle in SF ever (around 30 miles) in one night for the 20 year anniversary of Critical Mass.   As well as attended the 20 year anniversary of my friends awesome party by Wicked Sound Systems (yes… i used to be into early 90′s San Francisco house music scene and it was INCREDIBLE!!).

I also used for the first time and then again 2 more times (totaling 3x) , rideshares.  I really had a good experience with all three in fact and would highly recommend anyone trying it as a cheap, and environmentally friendly way to travel without having to deal with airport security!  Plus, you get to talk to people you may never meet otherwise.  I have enjoyed the ride sharing experience a lot and it is nice that there is a mode of transportation that actually has positive connotations associated with it.

The San Francisco Giants won the World Series and we found out that we are losing the SF 49ers to Santa Clara (Booo!).

I also cleared up some of my credit.

Not too bad in a single year!

But… Now for the most important message of my anniversary blog… My thanks to you, my readers.  You make writing for you so special to me.  I absolutely love that you feel comfortable leaving your comments as well as share some things about yourselves in those comments.  I love that we have an international conversation here even though one would never know it just by reading what you wrote.  I basically love you all, my blog followers and readers.  You make this oh so worth while.

While i would like to say that it doesnt matter if anyone is reading what i am posting, it makes it so much more, more… well… EVERYTHING to have you here along for this journey with me.

You all are my originals.  The first to be a part of my blog experience.  This i find very special and cool and i thank each and every one of you that took the time out of your life to share in what i have to share with you let alone leave feedback.  You all have made this first year of my blog an incredible experience and i am really looking forward to seeing what is going to be on topic for the next year.

So, in short… WE DID IT!! HAPPY 1 YEAR ANNIVERSARY EVERYBODY!!  And from the bottom of my heart… THANK YOU!!

i think i have never been so scared before in my whole life! (& i lived with a crackhead!)

A chocolate-chip cookie.

I was in the room with my dad.  He is very thin and frail and on oxygen.  He used to smoke but all but quit.  It is just not so much fun when you can not breathe anyway.  I had some peanut butter chocolate chip cookies i had forgotten for a hot sec. in the oven, so i went quickly into the kitchen passing Debbie in the living room.  Debbie is my dads roommate, best friend and caregiver, and she was heading into dads room which is like in a u shape from the kitchen.  I did not notice anything or hear the boom as far as i can recall, but maybe i did because i have this distinct idea of a very flat sounding boom.  I think it registered for a brief second in my conscience before falling deep into the folds.   Anyway, regardless i am totally oblivious of the trauma going on concurrently on the other side of the walls.

Flame the fire

Flame the fire (Photo credit: Darwin Bell)

Evidently when they tell you that oxygen is highly flammable, they were not kidding around.  I am merrily putting hot cookies on a plate and a couple glasses of milk poured and walk unknowingly into my dads room where he is sitting on the edge of the bed with the blanket melted, a huge hole in the bed and his face and his face and arm blackened with soot &n smoke filling the air.  The the blanket he was using caught fire and that fire made the oxygen he had on his face explode.  He has some burns on his nose and cheek as well as his arm and part of his mustache is gone too. He had a wet rag up to his face.  He was in shock.  Maybe even more than Debbie and I.  I am very thankful that i am not Debbie because she has the picture of my dad on fire in her visual memory now.  I dont think i would like to be haunted with that image!  The house is smokey and we had to move him over to the other side of the bed after we cleaned and covered his burns.  He doesnt want to go to the hospital and he seems to be alert and doing ok.  These pain pills really make him wander and  while on them and at the same time, he nods off.  That is why he fell last week.  it is really scary.  If Debbie was not right there right then, my dad could have died in a fire tonight.  That is i think the most scared i have ever been.

Oh, and before you ask me why he is not in the emergency room right now, I think that a Sunday night emergency room would not give my dad anything different than what we have done and it will be cold and scary and he has his nurse coming at 8 am tomorrow.  I dont think it is enough to kill him in 12 hours and if he is not doing well in the morning and/or if his nurse recommends it, we will go then.  I just want my dad to be as happy and comfortable for as long as possible and he is one of the most stubborn people i know.  I will pull rank if i need to, but i think it is ok to wait, let him get a good night sleep and see where we are tomorrow.  If at that time it is what i need to do, there is a first time for everything i suppose!

Fingers crossed!

fingers crossed

fingers crossed (Photo credit: cinnamon_girl)

bluepearlgirl's world:

I was going to drive this loop today! Now that i see your posting of the awesome video time lapse of Red Rock Canyon near Las Vegas. Now i am FOR SURE going to do it tomorrow before i have to leave town on Tuesday. Thank You!!

Originally posted on End City Begin Desert:

Sunrise on November 10, 2012.

View original

Why have i had so much harassment by dudes off of a rideshare post on CL In Las Vegas???

English: Vector image of the Las Vegas sign. P...

I dont know what it is about the guys here that are reading the community postings on Craigslist in Las Vegas NV.  Either i am extremely unlucky or L.V. has a serious problem with how the guys here think, & how they should treat a woman. They have absolutely NO  shame about inappropriate behavior towards unknown females. Let me tell you!!

I am out in Las Vegas not for a pleasure fest or to gamble and party, but because my father is dying here.  He had a fall last week and we thought we were about to lose him.  I was asked to come out ASAP so i bought a ticket to arrive within 24 hours of the call.  Because the flight was so last minute, it wasn’t cheap!  $234 + tax and fees to be exact.  It cost my dad (who was kind enough to pay for it!) paid a little over $250 one way.

That seems like a lot of money to me and since he is paying out of pocket for his meds right now, i did not want it to total $500 to get me here and back to San Francisco, SO, since i have always had a good experience with rideshare, it was 1/5 the cost and i never ride in cars anymore… AND i also had the time… i decided i would post a basic ad on Craigslist with my phone # & a photo.  The photo didnt last longer than it took my first harassing caller… a Mr. Hassan Abrahim (at telephone # 618 410-1446. & who was too stupid to block his # before he decided to send me lewd and agressive text messages!  Stupid DoucheBag!!)  to call (within the first 2 hrs of the poist being up… & at like 6pm!)  Anyway, today i decided that i would do a reverse phone search to see if i could find out who was agressively sexually harassing me via text the day before.  I cant wait for you to see what i found!  I found his name with a reverse call search. There were 2 comments with one of them saying that he owned property.  You can see why i was surprised and a little alarmed when i then searched his name and found this…

and this…

(btw, shortly after that, i pulled the photo off the post!).

But that was only the first!  in less than 12 hours  three more slimy ass dudes hit me up wanting there to be some “fun” on the ride or they were not interested in just saving some money on gas to take me.

Is every city apart from the coasts this disgusting and crude when it comes to desperate (i just have to say it too… and cheap!  They could and should pay a professional for a request like that!!) total scumbags trolling the COMMUNITY pages (yes i said that right.  These guys were not even hitting on the strictly platonic posts from girls in the Personals section… No!  They were trolling up next to the Pets page and Volunteers postings!!  That is some SERIOUS trolling!!

It turns my stomach to see the respect for women slide so far into the gutter that these so called men actually think they have a right to ask and project such an insane notion to a total fucking stranger.  Probably too pussy to propose such a lewd thing to a womans face!  They are a bunch of pathetic lonely ass twats that should stick to what they know… video games and Klenex and spare the general population the sorry ass behavior that they are representing.

Anyway, i may have found a decent ride home but it is not until Tuesday.  At least i have free lodging, food and FULL CABLE TV.. with ALL movie channels!!  I can easily kill an additional 24 hours here without ever dropping a dollar on a slot machine!  Yea!  Plus.. more time with my dad and although i miss my little rescue kitty Arthur, he is being well cared for by a friend who i am having stay in my room while i am away.  She is in between apts. so she can stay and take care of the king (Arthur) as long as i need her to.  Things could be worse i suppose.

I would be interested to hear if anyone else has been experiencing this sort of thing around the country / world or if it is only indelible for Las Vegas??

Las Vegas

Spectacular San Francisco Famous Downtown Landmarks Cityscape (Photo credit: davidyuweb)

To Rideshare or to Fly… That is the question….!

Cabin of a Virgin America A320

Cabin of a Virgin America A320 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Here i lay at my familiar crossroads of travel… Should i fly home or find a rideshare?  There are pluses and minuses to both… Here they are….

positives and negatives of flying…

  1. The swift amount of time it will take to travel from Las Vegas to San Francisco.
  2. I flew out on Virgin America and it was the easiest flight post 9/11 i have taken.  No lines ANYWHERE! and the flight got in early.
  3. Virgin America has a Giants Baseball channel on the onboard tv’s that you can watch!
  4. I would get to see the world from above.
  5. Cost me $250 to get out here when i bought my ticket the day before i had to come. (with 10 day advanced booking it would have been $79 not $211!).
  6. Transportation home from the airport would have to be arranged.
  7. Just damn stressful dealing with homeland security at the airports.

 

The positives and negatives of Ridesharing

  1. The ease of not having to go through security and adjust how i have to pack. (this is a big one!)
  2. Not having to submit my freedoms to some min. wage worker who has control over my future by homeland security.  (i just read that the Supreme Court ruled for a case that basically says that anyone can be CAVITY SEARCHED without any charges being pressed on them!)
  3. SO MUCH CHEAPER!! (although i am not paying for it, i hate wasting other peoples money!  Unless it is Corporate America’s!!) It would cost me at max $50 to get home as a vehicular passenger.
  4. Get to meet and talk to a total stranger.
  5. Easy drive.  9 hours so can be done in a day.
  6. Get to see the central valley as we drive by.
  7. Can actually sleep possibly on drive home.
  8. Can get all the way home to my front door without having to do a change of transportation.
  9. Do not have a lot of opportunities to be a car rider (or driver for that matter!… I have no car in SF.  You dont need one if you are smart!)
  10. MAY find a driver who is 420 friendly ;)

So, thats the pluses and minuses of my options.  I am going to take whatever i can find and hope that it is not the most stressful way possible for me to travel!  Fingers crossed!!

 

bluepearlgirl's world:

This is a post from one of the great blogs i follow. It is so very true and something each one of us should take and look how it applies to our lives. It is time to evolve into the power of our brains and our souls. It is time to not follow the guy in front of you right off the plank!

Originally posted on PORTABLE LIFE SKILLS DAILY WISDOM GUIDE:

The idea that something might change cause most of us discomfort. The bigger the perceived change the higher or stress levels. It is thus virtually futile to expect your child, partner or for that matter anybody else to change. Some of us live in relative luxury, but still dread the idea that we might be confronted with unexpected change. The amazing thing is that even those that live under horrific conditions experience the same trepidation when the prospect of change is mentioned to them. You have just read the real reason why we fail to improve and upgrade our lives notwithstanding all the books we read, courses and religious services we attend. We might for a few fleeting moments gather some courage and undertake to change, but fall back into our comfort zones when the initial motivation wears off.

The biggest millstone around our necks are the herd mentality that…

View original 319 more words

Q: Is it ever anything but torturous watching a parent (and best friend) slowly dying? Answer: NO!!

I have been avoiding this post for some time now.  I guess i just did not feel it right to write about someone who i know is going to read a post about themselves and it is about dying, but this is just too big of a topic in my life right now to ignore any longer.  It is also something that is being discussed openly now between ourselves so i suppose it is time to talk about it here.

I always would ask, which would be worse, being like my grandma on my moms side who passed away earlier this year, having dementia and losing your memory but still healthy as a horse?  (She would take long walks but often not know where she walked once she got there!), OR be like my great aunt on my dads side (and my dad just the same), to be sharp as a tack up until the very end but have the body TOTALLY break down in the process.  So, is it better for your mind to go or your body to go??

I have gone back and forth with this over the years.  I used to say that severe pain would impact the choice of body breaking but there is something to be said for having your wits till the end.  It is a hard choice to make and thankfully, fate or the gods are the ones that decide that for each of us if we are lucky enough to grow old and die from it.

I know life is an ephemeral and fleeting and nothing lasts forever, so why are we so hard wired to not want those around us to ever leave us?  We all know logically that we are only guaranteed 2 things in life.  1.  We get a ticket to planet earth when we are born, and 2.  we get a ticket home when its time to go.  I like to see it as “vacation on planet earth”.  Your vacation can go one of two ways… really good or really bad.  It can be influenced by where you have to take your vacation but it does not make it a guarantee that you will have a fabulous or terrible vacation simply due to location.  However, if you get chosen to “soul up” a body in Darfur, your chances of having a super fun and easy vacation are probably going to be hard to come by.  But, that doesnt mean that you can not hopefully change the location and improve your trip.  On the other hand, you could be “souled in” to a body of a multi-millionaire’s baby and be brought up with all of the luxuries that one could imagine and be isolated or treated so poorly that it does not matter because your vacation on planet earth is just one nightmare walking amongst priceless artifacts and long cold hallways.  I think that is why happiness has much less to do with economics than it does with community.

Anyway, back to my original issue.  The thing that is so tough right now is… well, several things… But, one of them is that there are questions that can only be answered by them and this is your last chance to ask them.  What is it that i need to ask?  Once they are gone, the information they hold in their brains goes too.  You only have this chance to ask all of the questions that only this one person can answer.  AND you can not think of the questions that should be asked.  (i think this is one of Murphy’s laws (btw… who the heck is Murphy anyway?? Poor bastard must have had the most frustrating life!!).

The other thing that is so tough is letting the sick person see that you are effected by their sickness.  I do not want to cry to their face because i am so gutted that i am losing one of the most important and influential people in my life.  I want to appear strong so not to scare them.  I do not want them to see how hard it is for me because i can only imagine how hard it is for them.

I feel like time is going in slow motion, yet it is blazing past me and with each minute that ticks by, is one less minute i am on earth with them.

I think it would be so much easier on our psyches if we knew what happened to us after passing.  If you are religious, you probably automatically believe what you are told to believe.  However, since we have other things that we experience here on earth that we have no explanation for that could possibly tie into our souls local’s upon vacating the body (such as remembering past lives, old souls and ghosts) that it adds a variable of the unknown and hope i think that something is in place for us.  I do not think we are comforted by the thought that after dying our soul just evaporates and vanishes.  How could something so strong as a soul which assisted our will to live while in life, and is invisible anyway, just disappear.  I think (maybe just for convenience) we like to think that there is a place for our souls to go after this life.  The not knowing is the tough part, but also i suppose the part that keeps us as simple people and not as the mighty “God” which i think in life, we forget sometimes.

I know i am not really making any specific point here, but i just need this to start the conversation that i have on loop in my head.   My dad is dying.  He is my best friend and probably the one single person that influenced who i have become more than anyone else so far in my life.  We all know it and we are talking about it (which is very strange when it is with the person who is doing the dying!)  I thought it would be more uncomfortable talking the hard real truth’s with him but now that we are here, it is not hard, it is just so scary and sad.

I know that this is just the natural cycle of life and that if it did not happen, then we would have something really to worry about!  But it doesnt make it any easier at all.  This is a game changer for me.  It is usually for most of us even if we do not have a very good or any relationship with our parent.

In what way my life and personality will be affected is unknown to me at this point.  In fact the impression will be so huge, i dare not even speculate, but i do know that it will change my life.

I suppose when we experience loss, in a way, the gods are clearing out our lives and throwing us out into the unfamiliar world again to start anew but with newly found or understood skills to make the next path taken with a slightly different approach or a different set of desires.

Usually when i find myself in these types of places of rebuilding after major loss, i have found that when it is time to get up and go after those things i want out of life, the wants and the things and the needs have changed.  Always they have simplified and become much more basic of wants and needs.  It allows you to appreciate all that you were unable to realize while spoiled and familiar with the past experiences.

I am not (obviously) not looking forward to the soon future without the protection and love and friendship of my dad, but i embrace who i will become and what he has taught me once he is gone.  I am just so lucky and blessed to be able to have the time now to ask those last important things as well as getting some things sorted out and understood which will make our job after he goes a lot easier and a lot less stressful.  For that i am eternally grateful!

Regardless, it sucks how much we miss the ones we love once they are gone!  At least, hopefully for me, the pain will help to create new art.  And i can say that it is because of my dad that i made it on this occasion!

I love you dad!!

My dad this past year. Love you Pops! (sorry for doing a post about you:)

Now this is my kind of disaster video! I just love people who go exploring urban settings on bikes!

These guys have got balls of steel to be riding in waist deep water, but they seemed to have gotten some of the best footage of the storm DURING the storm! Thank god they got the footage without electrocution! Enjoy it, they did it for all of us and we thank them!